Wondrous December
by hopefulromanticx
Summary: December started off as any other month. Leah was alone; Leah watched as all of her pack members found love, and Leah still couldn't get herself to stop thinking about Jacob Black. But then, everything changes one night when Jake starts to act differently. December could be a very good month for Leah Clearwater, life might just start to go in her favor.
1. Chapter 1

Part 1: Cupcakes

There has been a time of peace. Everything seems to be coming together for everyone. Everyone is finding their soul mate, everyone is happy, everyone except me. Of course I had given up on that a while ago. Finding a soul mate is overrated anyways. Maybe being alone is better, no one can hurt you.

Seth has returned with dinner, his girlfriend Maggie is joining us for dinner while Mom is at Charlie's. She hasn't been home a lot lately. I think Charlie might propose soon. I dread that wedding day. I spend a lot of my time at the Cullen's I try to not hang around more than necessary. Although Alice, Jasper and I have become kind of close. I can't hide my emotions from Jasper, he feels my heart break every time I see Jake with Nessie but he never talks about it, he's trustworthy that way. He knows when to say the right thing, and he never fails to say the right thing. And Alice, well no one could really dislike Alice, she is just so friendly and kind.

Seth and Maggie walk in, Maggie clings to Seth and Seth has an arm casually around her. He always has an arm around her as if he has to constantly touch her to remind himself that this is real, that this is his imprint, the reason for his whole existence. Maggie smiles up at me and Seth gives me a sympathetic look. I plaster a smile on my face and tell him I made cupcakes. I bake often lately, it helps me cope with… well everything.

Seth lets go of Maggie and rushes to the kitchen, the smell of Italian food following him. Maggie giggles as she watches Seth's eagerness. "Hey Leah," she smiles to me and hugs me. Maggie is practically family these days. She has red, curly hair. Her skin is fair and speckled in freckles. She's from the town of Forks. When Seth and I were on our way to Charlie's one day we stopped at a stop sign and the next thing I know, Seth is out of the car helping this girl who just stumbled and her books flew everywhere. Their eyes met and there was no coming back for Seth. "It's about to snow Leah, Seth says he can feel it." I smile, nod and tell her I can feel it too.

Maggie is a bookworm, she'd never be the person I'd think my brother would fall for, but the match is a good one. When she found out about Seth, she was so mesmerized. It was like something out of her books. She understood how important it was to keep it a secret. She told me once she used to live in the world of whichever book she picked up, she used to wish every day to get swept up into something beautiful and magical and then she met Seth. She told me she finally knew the feeling of being in something beautiful. I couldn't help but feel envy for her. I'd known that feeling, but it disappeared fast for me. Maggie walks over to the CD player and puts in a CD and starts dancing. Maggie was a lot stronger than I had given her, and she was a lot more likable than I had wanted to believe when I first found out she was my little brother's imprint.

"I invited some guests." Seth calls from the kitchen. "I thought it would be good to have more than three tonight."

I look to Maggie trying to read her impression, but she just smiles, knowing something I don't know. "What guests? There aren't enough cupcakes for guests. Seth… you know I don't like surprises."

"You might like this one. Oh and you have enough cupcakes to feed the whole reservation. Seriously Leah how much baking did you need to do today?" Seth laughs as he shoves a cupcake in his mouth, getting icing on his cheek. "Not that I'm complaining. I could finish this pan all by myself." Maggie dances over to Seth, getting the icing off his cheek with her index finger than licking the icing.

"Delicious as always." Maggie smiles and Seth offers her his remaining cupcake. It would only take love for Seth or any other pack member to share their food.

I smile and thank her and then I hear the whooping and cheering from the front yard. I turn to Seth and glare at him. "A little warning would have been nice, brother."

"Surprises can be fun." Seth winks and pulls Maggie close, wrapping an arm around her and nuzzling her neck with his face. He whispers something and she giggles.

Thick arms wrap around me and spin me around. I laugh knowing exactly who it is. The arms set me down, I turn and look up to Embry. "Hey Em." He smiles. "I didn't know you were coming back so soon."

"Well… there was a change of plans." Embry says and I give him a worried look. A change of plans? He just went to visit family, how crazy could it have gotten that he couldn't call me? I mean friends were supposed to do that right, talk about life moments. The house fills up with pack members, most of them bringing imprints. Their imprints brought food which is really good. I didn't give Seth enough money to buy food for most of the pack.

"What kind of change of plans?" I ask him cautiously.

"Lily!" Embry calls and a woman with russet skin, and jet black hair appears at his side. Her eyes are kind. "Leah, this is Lily."

I smile. "Nice to meet you."

"I've fallen in love with her, Leah." Embry says, wrapping an arm around her. "We're planning a wedding to take place in a couple of months."

"Wow." I say, which sounds incredibly stupid and silly. One of my best friends just told me he was in love and was getting married and all I can say is three letters. I swallow the lump in my throat. I'm happy for him; I have to be happy for him. "Congratulations. Welcome to the pack." I tell Lily. "I need to go check on something outside. I'll be right back. See you in a bit."

I rush out the back door and run to a tree. I'm happy for him. I knew Embry would find someone soon too. I had just hoped he could be single with me longer. It hurts, everyone finding someone and living happily ever after. It hurts having to stand on the side as imprints mingle, hold each other and ride off into the sunset. Just like that, those words Embry spoke, everything changes. Everything changes again.

Snow begins to fall; I enjoy feeling the flakes land on my exposed skin. I'm wearing long jeans and a lace camisole. Flakes land on my shoulder and suddenly melt at the touch of my burning flesh. I look up to the sky, watching the flakes dance down. Everything is so graceful, it's so beautiful.

"Hey Leah," a familiar voice whispers close to my ear and I shiver.

"Geez Jake, you scared me." I say as I turn to look at him.

"That was kind of the point Lee." Jake laughs, and I smile because his laugh is so infectious.

"Where did you come from Jake?" I ask him, leaning against the tree.

"I was in the house, couldn't help but notice the way you looked when Embry made his announcement to you. I didn't know you'd take it so harshly." Jake says.

"You knew? Did everyone know but me?" I ask, suddenly hurt by the feeling of being left out.

Jake nods, "Some of us ran into him on our way back into town. He wanted to tell you personally, not over the phone." Jake says, moving closer. "Can I ask why you got so upset? Is there something between Embry and you?"

I laugh because I think he's joking, but when he doesn't laugh I stop. "Are you serious? Embry and me? No way. It's more of the idea that pretty much everyone has someone. Then there's me." I tell him. His eyes look into mine intensely, I turn away. "I can't believe I said that out loud."

"You can tell me anything Leah." Jake says, taking my hand in his. The touch electrifies my body, sends waves of fire throughout my body starting from my palm. "You know that right?"

"It doesn't feel like it." I tell him. "You have Nessie. Seth has Maggie. Now Embry has Lily. Who do I have? No one. I can't talk to you or Seth or Embry. You all don't understand. Before Embry understood. Now he is just the same as you and Seth."

Jake moves closer, now he's inches from me. My heart begins to race. Can he hear it pounding in my chest? I'm suddenly very embarrassed. I look down and then meet his intense eyes. Why is he looking at me like that?

"What if I told you I don't love Nessie… not in an intimate way like Seth and Embry love Maggie and Lily?" Jake whispers. "What if I told you I don't think I'd ever feel that way towards her?"

"I wouldn't believe you." I say.

"Well… it's true." Jake declares. "Nessie is amazing…" I look away; she didn't need to hear this. Her mood had already been ruined thanks to Seth and Embry for their surprise. Jake moves into her line of sight. "But I only love her like a sister or a best friend."

"That will all change when she grows up." I tell him. "That's how it works."

Jake shakes his head. "I don't think it will. That's what I'm saying. She's already matured to age sixteen. I should be attracted to her."

"Just give it time Jake." I tell him, meeting his eyes. "I'm sure you both will be married and riding off into the sunset in no time." I pull away from him. I can't think clearly with him so close to me, I can smell his scent. Soap, forest, and everything that is Jake. It's intoxicating. "We should get back to the party…" I say and start walking back towards my house.

Jake sighs, rushing after me. His hand grabs my arm and spins me to face him. He pulls me close, so close, I'm against his body, my heart is racing, I'm sure he can feel it. He leans close to my ear, "I don't want to marry and ride off into the sunset with her. Believe me, I wish I did." He whispers. He pulls back so he can look into my eyes. "There's this other girl I can't seem to get out of my head."

"Leah! Jake!" Seth calls from the porch, Maggie is standing beside him but she doesn't look happy that he shouted out to me. "We are ready to eat!"

I jump at the interruption and pull out of Jake's embrace. To my dismay, my body aches from the loss of his warmth; it aches for his hands to touch me again. I start walking back inside. When I don't hear Jake following I turn to him. "Come on Jake, we can talk later." I smile to him. He smiles, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. He nods and begins walking toward me. I wait until he catches up and then I walk with him back into the house.

My mind racing, my heart still pounding, I walk back into my house and apologize to Embry for freaking out.


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2: Not Running Anymore

Everyone leaves the "party", everyone except Jake. He's talking to Maggie, but I know he is just waiting until I'm free so we can talk again. Jake used to be scared, he used to never face his problems head on. Now, he always has the guts to walk into his problems head on. I admire that. I especially admire that because I still waste as much time as possible before I have to go to a party at Emily's.

I'm cleaning the kitchen, when Seth walks in. I sense him watching me, at first I don't say anything but I can't take him watching me anymore. I stop washing the dishes and I turn to him, "What?" I ask him bitterly, more bitter than I had wanted.

"Why is he sticking around? Don't get me wrong, I like Jake but…. I'd also like to spend some time with Maggie." Seth says.

"Why don't you ask him to leave then?" I tell him and continue washing the dishes.

"Because something tells me he is hanging around for a specific reason. A reason that has nothing to do with Maggie and I." Seth says. He walks over to me and takes the dish beside me and starts washing them. "Seriously Leah, you baked all those cupcakes today, you don't need to wash the dishes too. I can handle this."

"It's fine, really Seth. I enjoy it." I tell him and dry the dish in my hand. I reach for another one but he stops me.

"Something tells me he's not going to leave until he has talked to someone here. We both know that someone isn't Maggie, since he has been talking to her for an hour. I don't think it is me either, Leah." Seth says.

I reach for the plate again, but he stops me again. "I don't really want to talk to him Seth."

"Look, Leah, I'm just your brother, and maybe I have no idea what I'm talking about but earlier it didn't look like you were so miserable talking to him. You can't keep running from it Leah. You might be able to avoid him tonight, but we both know he is one of the most stubborn people on the reservation. He won't stop until he has said what he needs to say. Isn't it better to get it all out there sooner rather than later?" Seth says and just like that he doesn't look like a child to me anymore. His eyes are worried about me, but they don't hold pity in them like so many others around me. He is just genuinely worried for his sister. It's strange to me, he never used to worry, and I was the one who worried about him. When my little brother has better grasp on how to go through life than I do, that's when it's time to start worrying and changing things.

I'm done running from my problems.

I smile to him. "How old are you again?" He smiles to me. "You sure you've got this?" I ask him.

"I think I can handle doing a few dishes." Seth says. "Seriously, go before I kick you both out."

I smile and walk out of the kitchen. I walk to Jake he's talking to Maggie but he stops midsentence. I grab his forearm, "Mind if I borrow him for a bit?" I ask Maggie.

She smiles and shakes her head. "I was going to help Seth clean up. Have fun."

I pull Jake outside and he follows me. I keep pulling him towards the beach. I don't want to talk in my backyard, I want to talk on the beach shore; I've always felt stronger on the beach. I keep pulling him in silence and he lets me. I'm kind of surprised he isn't fighting me. Maybe he was thinking we should go somewhere else to talk too.

When we get to the rocky shore, I stop and let go of his arm. I face the water for a moment and try to gather my thoughts. My head has been swarmed with thoughts since that conversation we had earlier. What all did he say? I was so distracted with trying to get away from him; do I remember everything he said?

_I don't love Nessie…_

_I don't think I'd ever feel that way towards her…_

_There's this other girl I can't seem to get out of my head…_

He stands in silence; I guess it's my move this time. He made his move earlier, it's my turn. "I'm sorry you are so confused Jake…" Is that what I really wanted to say?

"I don't want you to be sorry." Jake says in a soft whisper.

"What exactly do you want from me? I'm sorry you aren't in paradise with your imprint. I'm sorry there is this other girl that you have feelings for. I'm sorry this is so hard for you. I don't really understand why you are coming to me. Have you talked to Billy?" I say.

"Yes, I've talked to him. He doesn't think I'm going to ever be attracted to Nessie if I'm not already. I'm sorry for upsetting you Leah. I'm just so tired of holding everything in, I had to tell you." Jake says.

"You had to tell me what? That you are in love with another girl? Why would I need to know that Jake?" I say to him, my heart is racing, I feel like I'm going to cry. It was hard enough to picture him with Bella, then Nessie, now there's another girl?

Jake looks down. "You didn't get it earlier did you?" He looks up and meets my eyes. "I thought you understood what I was saying earlier. I thought all of the avoiding was because you didn't feel the same way."

"What are you talking about Jake?" I ask him.

Jake grabs my arms and pulls me close. "I was saying all of those things earlier Leah because I'm tired of the secrets. I'm tired of being so afraid that you'll see how I truly feel. Every time we change, I'm so scared you'll read my thoughts and see how much I think about that other girl." Jake says.

"Please… Jake stop." I tell him. I'm not mentally prepared to talk to him about another girl.

Jake shakes his head. "Leah… the other girl… she's you." He whispers. "It's been you for so long now. I'm just so tired of hiding it from you. I'm so tired of looking at you and wanting to tell you, wanting to kiss you, wanting to be with you." His hand goes to a stray piece of my hair; he pushes it gently behind my ear.

"I'm… the other girl?" I ask him. Did I hear that right?

He leans close to my ear. I feel his warm breath against my ear, "Yes."

At first, I want to melt. I'm about to kiss him but then a thought squirms its way into my mind. I push him away from me, he looks surprised. "Why would you tell me that?" I say angrily. I shove him again. "Why would you tell me that when you know we can't be together?" Another shove to his chest, he just takes it now. "Do you just want to torture me?" Another shove. "You must know how I feel." Another shove. "Is this some sick joke? Who put you up to this?" This shove is more forceful and he stumbles on a rock, he lands on the shore. He even falls perfectly. I hate him. "This isn't funny."

"Of course it isn't funny." Jake says looking up to me. "This isn't a joke." He looks worried I'm going to attack him again. "Can I stand up now?" His eyes resemble a puppy's, and my anger simmers down slightly.

"Fine."

Jake keeps a good distance. "I'm not trying to upset you. I just wanted to be honest. I was tired of living a lie." He steps closer cautiously. "We could be together Leah. That's what I talked to my dad about. He thinks it's possible for a wolf to choose his own mate. Just like some wolves never imprint, those that do could choose to love and be with someone else. He had told me it would be a difficult choice, but I knew I'd already chosen you a long time ago. Quil talks about thinking of Claire constantly when he's not with her. Wanna know who I think of?" I nod and he steps closer slowly. "You." He says. "I constantly think of you, of being with you. When I picture my life in the future, I try and try to picture it with Nessie. But I just picture it with you. I only want you Leah. I care about Nessie, but I _need _you."

He's really close to me again, but I don't mind. I'm calmer when he is this close. I mean, my heart is still racing, I don't think it will ever get used to short distance between Jake and I, but my anger has completely dissolved. I don't feel so alone anymore. I internally groan at the next thought I have because it is so cliché, but I feel complete with him.

I smile to him, "Prove it." I say softly.

Jake smiles; his hand gently caresses my face and then goes to the back of my neck. He moves closer to me, his face inches from mine. His lips press onto mine. Although he is gentle, his kiss isn't all gentle. I can feel the desire in his kiss. I wrap my arms around him and kiss him back passionately.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Trouble

The kiss, it is the very definition of beautiful. The kiss wasn't too forceful, but not too gentle either. His lips were perfectly soft and I wish I could kiss his lips forever.

He pulls away, a beautiful smile on his face. "Was that proof enough?" He asks.

I catch my breath, he actually takes my breath away, how incredibly cliché. I look up to him, and try to compose myself; I try to show that the kiss didn't fluster me as much as it did. His dark brown eyes look into mine. How can he be so composed? How can he act so confident in everything he does? I wish we were in wolf form so that I could hear his thoughts. What is he thinking right now? What's he thinking about that kiss? What's his next move? I've never wanted to read someone's mind so badly before. When I was with Sam I knew him so well I could predict his actions. With Jake, I feel like I can never get a clear read on him; I could expect one thing and he'd go and do something completely different. It's unnerving and exciting all at the same time.

I place my arms around his neck, and his arms wrap around my waist. His arms pull me against his body; his warmth is calming, his body is firm but soft. I pull his head closer to my face; his smile grows when I move him closer. I'm about to kiss him but my mind stops me.

_Okay, Leah, you like kissing him, and he kissed you, so what? Does that really prove that he'll forget about Nessie? Does that really mean that in a month or a year he won't forget about you and be completely in love with Nessie? Does that mean you won't get your heart broken? He could just be lonely right now, wanting to kiss someone, anyone. You can't take more heartache. You won't survive losing someone like that again, especially if that someone is Jake. Definitely after that kiss. A few more kisses like that, your brain will be all foggy, you won't see things clearly and then what? Then you'll get blindsided when he announces he loves Nessie, and then they'll get married and have kids._

I pull away from him, my hands sliding from his neck to his chest. I look down and back up into his eyes. I can't do this to myself. His face shows concern and worry. I shake my head, trying to form words but I'm not able to find them. Why can't I ever say the right thing? Jake always seems to know the right thing to say and so many others around me, like Jasper, Alice and Seth.

Jake pulls me closer, and holds on tighter with his arms around my back. "You think too much Leah." He says, his eyes searching mine.

"One of us should." I tell him. "You obviously aren't thinking too clearly right now. This is all on impulse. Maybe we should just take a step back, go home and sleep on it. Then we can talk about it later. When we've both seriously thought about it."

"All I've done is think about it Leah." Jake says. "Don't you understand? I've been thinking about this for a long time. I've thought about everything I was going to say a thousand times. I've thought about everything… everything I've wanted to do more than a thousand times. I'm tired of thinking about it. I want to do something about it. Don't you?" He finishes with an expression I've never seen on him before. Is he nervous? I look down and then back to his eyes. Did I want to do something about it? Then something flashes across his face like he just thought of something.

"I've been incredibly stupid." Jake says letting go of me immediately and putting a good six inches between us. "Of course… you don't feel the same way about me. I thought… and then that kiss… I'm so stupid." Jake shakes his head and turns to the ocean. "You would think I'd know when someone didn't have feelings for me. I mean I've been through this before…"

"Jake… you aren't stupid." I say. _Be brave, Leah. Just say it._ "Wait… I… I do have feelings for you." I gulp down the lump in my throat from nervousness. With that declaration, there is no way of going back. I can't tell him that I don't have feelings for him. It's risky, but he's told me a lot tonight. Jake turns and faces me.

"You do?" He asks, surprised.

I smile slightly. "Yeah. I wouldn't kiss someone I didn't care about the way I just kissed you."

"Why are you so unsure about me Leah?" Jake says, moving closer again.

"Well… you have an imprint Jake. Ever since I became a wolf I've been told that when an imprint is found, that bond can't be severed, no matter what. I've been told about how strong that bond is; I've seen how strong that bond is. I'm sorry I'm a little uncertain about it because in a month or a year you might not want me. And you've been thinking about this for a long time. I haven't. I've forced myself not to think about it because I knew, I knew you had Nessie and one day you two would marry. It would have done absolutely no good for me to have thoughts about you or thoughts about a future with you. This… all of it is a surprise to me. I had no idea you felt for me in any way other than as a pack mate." I move closer to him. I take his hand, his hands are rough from working with cars, but I enjoy the feel of them. "You have to understand Jake. I can't get hurt again… not like before. I don't think, I don't think I'd survive heartache that bad again. So if you think, even a little bit that you'll be attracted to Nessie and that you'll fall in love with her." Jake shakes his head; his free hand tucks my hair behind my ear. "I can't get hurt like that again." I whisper to him. Jake leans down and kisses my neck right where my vein runs. The kiss is gentle as if he felt like I was something precious or fragile. It was different than the kiss earlier. "I'm serious." I whisper.

Jake kisses the spot again and then pulls away. His face is serious, more serious than I've ever seen him. "The last thing I want is to hurt you." Jake says.

"I believe you." I say right before he kisses me on the lips. This kiss is less gentle, but still not forceful. His arms around my waist pull me against him and I can't control the moan that slips out when our bodies collide. My arms wrap around his neck, my hands go into his soft hair, and the feeling of it excites me. I've never touched his hair or run my fingers through it like this before.

After several moments, I break away from the kiss but lean my face against his chest. "We have to take it slowly Jake. If we're going to do this… I need us to go slow." I whisper to him. I take in his now even more familiar scent. Jake gets this huge grin on his face. "What?" I ask him.

"You said us and we." He laughs. "I like that."

I laugh with him and hit him playfully. "You are such a dork."

Jake smiles, "You have to admit… it's nice."

"What's nice?"

"You and me." Jake says.

"It's nice…" I admit. "For now…"

"Always the optimist Leah." Jake says to me, his hands run over my back. Up and down. Up and down.

"I hope that's not the reason you like me, because you'll be extremely disappointed. I've never been known for my optimism Jake." I warn him, slightly worried that would make him run.

Jake laughs. "I know you aren't an optimist Leah. I do know you pretty well. Give me a little credit."

I smile to him. "Can we sit? Do you have to be somewhere?"

"My night is all free." Jake says.

"Would you want to spend it with me?" Leah asks.

"Is that an invitation? I thought we were going slow Leah." Jake winks. I feel the heat rush to my face. Luckily, it is dark and I have russet skin, Jake won't be able to see my embarrassing blushing. "Kidding." He says with a smile, "I couldn't think of a better way to spend it."

I laugh. "You are such a dork." I tell him again.

"You've already said that." Jake points out.

"Well I mean it." I smile. I grab his arm and lead him closer to the ocean when we get to a good spot, we both sit down. Jake gives me a little distance; he must not want to push me tonight. It's nice, having someone respect you enough to listen when you tell them to slow down.

…

Jake and I talk most of the night. When we both got so exhausted we couldn't keep our eyes open, Jake laid down and offered his chest as a pillow. One of Jake's arms rests just below my chest; one of my hands finds his and laces my fingers with his. "I wish I was more optimistic. Then I could believe this could actually work. My thoughts though, keep telling me all of the things that could go wrong." I tell him about to fall asleep.

Jake runs his free hand through my hair. "That's okay Leah. I have enough optimism for both of us and I'm going to prove it to you. I don't plan on this being temporary."

"I hope you prove me wrong Jake." I whisper right before I doze off.

I fell asleep to the sound of his heartbeat in one ear, and the sound of the ocean in another. Despite, sleeping on a rocky shore, it was the best sleep I can remember.

When I wake up, I wake up before Jake. I turn and look to him. He looks so calm and happy in his sleep. He is so beautiful. I close my eyes and open them again. He's still there, and still nearly perfect.

I'm in so much trouble.

**A/N: Hello! Thanks for reading this fic! I'm sorry I haven't replied to the reviews, I will as soon as possible. I really appreciate the reviews they are so uplifting and motivating! You all are so great! Well, I hope you enjoyed this update! I hope to update soon! Bye! –Courtney**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Something Beautiful

Jake walks me home, with a kiss goodbye I walk into my house. My mom greets me with a hug. "You're finally home." She says cheerfully.

"I could say the same to you." I smile.

"Seth didn't know where you were. We were worried." Mom tells me as she leads me to the couch and sits down. I sit down beside her.

"Sorry, I was with Jake on the beach and lost track of time." I tell her. "Why are you so cheerful this morning? What's going on?"

Seth walks in with his arm around Maggie's shoulder. "Hey big sis." He smiles. "I have to say I was expecting you back a little bit sooner." I smile.

"To answer your question Leah, Charlie proposed to me last night." My mother says and I turn my attention back to her. "And I said yes. And we are moving in with Charlie. All of us. It's going to be wonderful!" My mother smiles, but her smile fades quickly when she sees I'm less than excited about her announcement.

"What? We're moving?" I say, stunned by this new development.

"Yes! Isn't it exciting?" My mom says but then her smile fades. "What's wrong?"

"Why doesn't Charlie just move in with us? We have plenty of room and everything." I ask.

"Charlie and I both talked about it. We think it's best if we live in Charlie's house." My mom explains. "And I miss you guys. I know I haven't been around that much, it would just be nice for all of us to live together don't you think?"

I look down. She was so happy, so excited and I've ruined that. I haven't seen her like that in a while. "It would be nice to live together again. I… I just don't want to live in Forks, Mom. What if I stay here? I mean Dad left the house to us in the will, it's already paid for. I was going to start working for Joy in a week at the diner. It would make sense to just stay here." I tell her and she nods understandingly.

"I can live with you Leah." Seth says.

I shake my head. "Don't be silly. It would be amazing for you to live in Forks. You'd be so close to Maggie and you'd be with mom and Charlie. You'd love living there. I can make it on my own Seth."

"It makes sense for you to stay. I wish it didn't. I do miss you Leah."

"I miss you too Mom. But it's not like we are never going to see each other. Forks isn't across the country." I tell her.

"Sometimes it feels like it." My mom says. "But I have faith in you. We're moving tomorrow night after Charlie's shift. I hope it's not too quick."

I shake my head. "I'm just glad you are happy again, Mom."

My mom smiles as she stands. "Me too. I should finish packing. I love you both."

My mom leaves the room and Seth sits down on the couch quietly. He's been so quiet this whole time except for that one comment he made. Maggie sits on the chair across from us.

"You're really going to be okay here by yourself?" Seth asks.

I laugh. "I think it will be really good for me to be on my own. I've thought about moving out lately… I could never leave you though Seth." I tell him, he looks down and then to Maggie. "Please don't worry about me Seth."

He nods. "I know you can take care of yourself. You've taken care of me since I could remember. It's going to be weird not living with you."

I smile. "I know. But we are still going to see each other. We're still in the pack. Stop getting so weird little brother. This isn't goodbye."

Seth smiles to me. "Speaking of pack… Am I to assume Jake will be over here more often?"

I smile, "Maybe." I laugh when he raises his eyebrow to me. "You should start packing. Is Maggie staying over tonight?" Maggie nods. "Good."

"You're right I should pack. Mags, wanna help?" Seth asks.

"I'll be there in a minute. I want talk to Leah for a minute." Maggie says.

"Okay." Seth nods and then walks to his room.

"Let's go outside." Maggie says. I nod and she grabs her coat. When we get outside we both sit on the porch steps.

"What's up Maggie?" I ask her.

"I was wondering how your night went. I noticed how happy you were when you came in. I understand if you don't want to tell me. I just figured it would be nice to talk to someone. I know when I went on my first date with Seth I rushed to call my close friend at the time. I know you are close to Jasper and Alice but I figured it would be nice to have someone to talk to now. If not… that's fine too." She smiles to me.

"You're always so thoughtful, Maggie." I smile to her. "Well, he said all of the right things and did all of the right things. It was… well pretty perfect."

"But…" Maggie says.

"But I'm so scared of getting hurt. I mean he has an imprint. It's insane for me to believe that we could ever be happy together forever. Isn't it? I mean I see people like you and Seth and Kim and Jared, how can I argue how strong the imprint bond is? I mean, I don't think Jake would intentionally hurt me, but one day, he might just see Nessie an entirely different way and want to marry her. Then I'll be left again; just like with Sam but this time will be worse." I sigh against the railing post, it's so relieving to talk about my fears with someone.

Maggie nods. "You're right, the imprint bond is strong. I mean even though I'm not the wolf, I still feel the need to be around Seth. My thoughts still wander to him. But I think that a lot of times an imprint is someone's true love, so the feeling to be with them is strong anyways. But maybe, sometimes an imprint isn't someone's true love. Jake talked to Billy didn't he? Billy must think it's possible for Jake to love you and not Nessie."

"But what if I get hurt again Mags? I don't know what that will do to me. It wasn't good the last time; it will probably be worse this time." I tell her.

She looks down, then to the sky, and then back to me. "You're right again. This could turn out to be terrible in the end. I mean sometimes you argue like an old married couple constantly. This could run its course and leave you completely shattered. But in the middle, it could be beautiful Leah. I've seen you two together. I've watched both of you. You both look at each other like the other is the most amazing person in the world, like you'd do anything to have a moment alone with each other. You both listen to each other because you are so genuinely interested in what the other has to say. From what I can see, it's beautiful, so very, very beautiful."

"But something that is beautiful can turn into something that is ugly in a moment." I tell her.

"But isn't it amazing to experience that beauty if only for a moment?" She smiles. "My mother told me once, 'You're going to get your heartbroken a million times in life. It's going to be hard and you are going to wonder why you're still trying and then something will happen, something that starts to heal your heart and doesn't break it, and that's going to remind you why you have to keep trying. Because we have to fight through the hard times to get to and enjoy the good times'. This could be the beautiful that starts to heal your heart Leah. I'd hate for you to push it away because of fear and what might happen." Maggie starts to smile. "I mean I can see you and Jake getting married one day and having a big family someday."

I smile, I could see it too. But I had never wanted to admit it, to myself or anyone else. My smile falls. "I just don't want to get my heart broken."

Maggie smiles sympathetically, "I know, no one wants heartbreak."

"I told him we'd take it slow. So we'll see how it works out." I tell her.

"Well at least you are giving it a shot. I was so worried you wouldn't." Maggie says.

"Thanks for listening." I smile to her.

"Any time." Maggie says. "I hope I helped."

"You did. It's good to talk to someone about it. I don't think I could talk to my mom about any of this." I tell Maggie. "She worries so much about me. And things have been so weird between us. I know she can't really be in this house, not since my dad passed. I think it's hard for her. I just wish she could come around more. I'm just glad Seth will finally be with Mom. He needs her, more than he'd ever admit to anyone."

Maggie nods. She has an amazing gift to sympathize with everyone. I think she can do it so well because she truly cares about everyone. She doesn't just act like she cares like some people.

"You can talk to me anytime." Maggie smiles. "Oh look a snowflake!" Maggie cheers.

"Oh yeah." I look up to the sky to see several snowflakes dancing down. "It's beautiful."

Maggie nods. "Do you have anything else to talk about?"

I shake my head. "But this isn't a one way thing Mags. If you ever need to talk, I'm always here."

Maggie smiles and hugs me. "Thanks Leah."

Maggie pulls away and jumps up. "I'm going to go get Seth. He's been waiting for the snow all day!"

I jump down from the porch and walk out into the yard where the snow can hit me. Two snowfalls already. Maybe this time, the snow will stick to the ground.

"Hey Lee!" Jake's familiar voice calls. I spin to face him and I smile. "I came to see if you saw the snow. I guess you have." I nod. He walks closer to me. "It's pretty awesome right?"

"Yeah, it's pretty spectacular. I think this one is going to be better than the other one. Hopefully it sticks to the ground this time." I tell him.

Maggie squeals and laughs from the backyard. I guess that's where Seth and Maggie went to enjoy the snow.

Jake is close to me again. "Hope I didn't get you in trouble for bringing you back home this morning."

I shake my head. "My mom was in too much bliss for anything to ruin her mood. Charlie proposed to her last night. She started talking about moving into Charlie's as soon as I walked in the door."

"You're moving to Charlie's?" He asks his face full of worry and disappointment.

I smile, "Nope. Just Mom and Seth. I'm staying here."

Jake sighs in relief and wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me close. The combination of his warmth and the cold snow is sensational. "You could have started with that." He smiles.

"But it was so much more fun seeing your reaction to the thought of me moving. Would you really be so sad if I decided to move?" I ask him, smiling.

"Is that even a question? Of course I'd be upset. I wouldn't be able to make up stupid reasons to stop by and see you if you lived with Charlie." Jake says.

"So the snow reason was just a stupid excuse to come see me?" I smile to him. My eyes meeting his warm dark brown ones.

Jake nods. "Pretty stupid huh? Of course you saw that it was snowing. I just really wanted to see you again."

"You don't need an excuse to stop by." I tell him. "I really like seeing you, if you can't tell."

"You should remind me how much you like seeing me." Jake winks.

"You're a dork." I tell him. "If you want to kiss me you should-"

Before I can finish that statement his lips are on mine, my arms wrap around his neck, pulling him closer to me. We kiss for a few moments, the snow landing on us and quickly melting away. His lips are still so perfect.

Jake breaks away from me. "You were saying?" Jake smirks.

I smile and then lean my head against his chest. I can hear his heart beat pounding against his chest. It's beating faster than normal. I press my lips to his chest over his heart then look up to him.

"Your heart is beating incredibly fast Jake. Are you okay?" I ask him, concerned.

Jake looks down to me and laughs. "This is going to sound so stupid."

"I doubt that." I tell him.

"It speeds up when I'm around you. Especially when I'm kissing you." Jake tells me. "That's an effect you have on me."

"Are you making that up?" I ask him.

"Truth?" Jake asks. I nod. "No. I'm being entirely serious."

I pull his face close to mine. "You really shouldn't say things like that Jake."

"Why not?" Jake asks.

"This is going to sound really stupid." I warn him and Jake smiles. "Because it just makes me fall for you harder." I tell him.

"Good." He whispers with a smile.

His lips are beautiful. He's beautiful. This moment is beautiful. I kiss him and he kisses me back, pulling my body against his with the kiss.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Have Some Faith

A few moments into the kiss, cheers and shouts burst through the peaceful silence. I pull away to find Quil, Embry, Lily, Kevin, Caleb and Michael smiling at us. Caleb, Michael and Kevin joined Jake's pack soon after they changed; they changed at the young age of fifteen. They preferred Jake's laid back Alpha stance as opposed to Sam's. Not to mention, the company of the Black pack is better than the company of the Uley pack. I look to Jake and smile as he sighs. He clearly wants them to disappear so he can keep kissing me.

"Hey guys!" I call to them.

"We must have missed something." Embry tells us with his arm around Lily. "When we left last night you two didn't seem interested in each other at all."

I shrug with a smile, "Things change." Jake's arm wraps around me. So that's what that feels like, I'd forgotten what it felt like to have someone's arm around you. It's so nice, it's like he's telling the world I'm his, he's not afraid of me, or ashamed of me, and he doesn't want to lose me. His arm around me is so warm; it makes me feel safe, but most of all it makes me so very happy.

…

The snow did stick. The pack had a snowball fight and afterwards Jake lay with me and Seth and Maggie and we watched movies as the snow kept falling. My mom made hot chocolate as she finished packing. It was the perfect snow day.

A few days later, I'm working at the diner and Seth walks in. Joy greets him and starts making his favorite menu item, a hot fudge sundae. Seth smiles to her appreciatively and sits at the bar. I serve one of the guests more coffee and I can feel him watching me. Before I can ask him anything Embry walks in. "Hey Joy! Hey Lee!" He calls and sits beside Seth. "Hey Seth, sorry I interrupted your conversation with Jake earlier. It looked pretty intense…" Then Embry seems to remember I'm around and he shuts up.

"What conversation with Jake?" I ask Seth as Joy sets down the sundae in front of Seth. Embry pulls the sundae in front of him and takes a bite before sliding it back to Seth.

Seth glares at Embry. "Sorry man… was I not supposed to say that?" Embry says.

"I was just talking to Jake about making decisions and going through with them." Seth says. "And I told him that if he was choosing to pursue things with you, then he needed to inform all of the Cullens, and he needed to distance himself from them. Did you know he's been over there all day? Are you okay with that?" Seth asks.

"Are you kidding me Seth? You talked to Jake about me? Of course I knew he was over there, he told me he was going over there today. What exactly did you say?" I ask Seth. I look over and my customer at my table seems to need help. "Hold that thought." I ask what the customer needs and I go to pick up his bill. I give it to him and then return to Seth. In a second, the customer is done. I thank him and tell him I hope to see him soon. Then he leaves. The diner has been pretty slow today, and no one else remains after he leaves.

"Okay Seth. Tell me what you told him." I tell him.

"He just seemed like nothing had changed with Nessie. But everything has changed. So I told him that if he plans on trying to make it work with you, he needed to be devoted to you. I told him that he needed to think about his decisions because right now they have a big influence on a lot of people's happiness right now. I said since he was choosing you, he needed to tell the Cullens and talk to Nessie so there is no issue with people believing one thing, and another happening. Then I went on to say that he needed to make sure he really did care about you like he says he does, and that he truly thinks that it's going to work out because he can't screw you over. And when Embry interrupted I told him if he hurt you I'd probably kill him." Seth says eating his ice cream.

I shake my head. "Seth… you shouldn't have done that. You've probably made him regret everything."

Seth shrugs. "I said what needed to be said Lee. And don't even try to say that you never threatened Maggie in case she hurt me. She told me your first conversation with her."

"That's different. I didn't tell her things to make her rethink everything from the past few days." I scrub the counter with a rag. Now, I'm very nervous that when I see Jake he's going to tell me he's rethought everything and regrets even starting this.

"Leah, we've been pretty slow tonight. You can go ahead and head home." Joy calls from the kitchen. "See you tomorrow!"

"Thanks Joy!" I call as I grab my bag and head for the door. "I'll see you guys later."

…

I walk up to Jake's door and knock. It takes Billy a moment but he answers the door with a smile on his face. "Hey Leah! Back already?" He smiles. I was just over here to have dinner with them last night. I've been spending a lot of time over here since Mom left and Jake told me that he thinks Billy gets lonely sometimes. I want Jake to be able to spend as much time with Billy as both of them needed. "Are you going to just stand out here or would you like to come in?" He smiles up to me as he rolls backwards.

"Coming in would be nice." I smile. "Is Jake here Billy?"

Billy shakes his head. "He's been away all day. I'm expecting him back home any time now. He said he'd be back before you got off of work, but I guess you beat him here." Billy says. He goes into the kitchen and gets a beer. He comes back into the living room. He offers me a seat on the couch and I sit down. Billy looks at me, "Is everything okay, Leah?" Billy asks.

"Everything just seems so complex, like one wrong move could make everything mess up. I don't want anything to mess up." I tell him and he nods. "Do you think Jake and I could really end up together? Do you think he could really pick to love me when he's supposed to be fated for Nessie? Are we just being foolish trying to fight fate?" I ask him.

"I'm a firm believer that we make our own fate, Leah. I'm pretty sure you and Jake feel the same way. You can sit around and wait to see where life guides you, or you can take control and decide where you want to go. I wouldn't have told Jake that he should go for it with you if I thought this would crash and burn. Just between you and me, I was really disappointed when Jake told me he imprinted on Nessie. I'd much rather he end up with a woman of the tribe, and I'd really enjoy it if that woman was you Leah." When he sees me smile he continues. "I think you sell yourself short, Leah. You are a lot better than you seem to think you are. I know it is hard; the odds don't seem to be in your favor, but have some faith Leah. I think you will be surprised, I think everyone will be surprised. Don't forget who you are, no matter what happens." And on that comment, I hear the Rabbit pull into the drive. It's strange that he drove the Rabbit, usually he just runs to the Cullens.

I smile to Billy. "Thank you. You always manage to say the right thing. I guess Jake gets that from you."

Billy smiles, "At least you don't eat all of our food like Paul. That makes you even better in my eyes." Billy winks.

We hear Jake walk in. "Dad! I'm home!" Jake calls as he walks in. He walks into the living room looking at the mail he picked up in the mailbox; he hasn't even seen that I'm here. "Has anyone stopped by while I've been gone? Paul didn't come over did he?"

"No, Paul didn't come over. Rachel and he were visiting some people and shopping today. Someone did stop by, the very pretty Leah, but I told her you wouldn't be coming home so she went home. She looked pretty upset." Billy smiles and winks to me.

"Dad!" Jake yells and looks up from the mail for the first time. His eyes meet mine, and his panic calms.

Billy starts laughing. "I wish you could have seen your face, Son. Priceless." Billy says. Jake smiles to Billy and then to me. "Leah just got here about fifteen minutes ago. Want me to fix something for dinner?" He looks to both of us.

I look to Jake and Jake nods. "That would be perfect. Lee, you don't have any plans right?" I shake my head. "Great." Jake smiles and walks over to me.

He's about to sit on the couch beside me but I stand up and take his hand. "Billy I need to talk to Jake. Do you need help getting started with dinner?" Billy shakes his head. "Okay, then we'll be right back." I say as I lead Jake out of the house.

"Am I in trouble?" Jake asks as we leave the house.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thank you everyone for your wonderful reviews and thanks for reading! You have no idea how much it all means to me! Keep it up and enjoy this next chapter! -Courtney**

Chapter 6: Ditto

I walk Jake away from the house and I lean against a tree as I look to him. Jake seems nervous and confused. I can tell he doesn't know whether he is in trouble or not.

"How was your day at the Cullens?" I ask him.

He smiles, "It was good. Everyone seems to be pretty happy over there. It's been really peaceful without any of their psycho leeches lurking around lately. Are you okay Lee?" Jake asks.

"I'm sorry about what Seth said to you today. He stopped by the diner afterwards and told me what he told you. He shouldn't have done that it wasn't his place to get into our business." I tell him, trying to read his face.

Jake's smile grows. "That's what this is about? Some words your brother told me because he cares about you?" Jake laughs a little. "Geez, I thought something bad had happened or you were mad at me."

"You really aren't upset about what he said to you? I'm sure he was blunt and not so friendly about what he said." I tell him.

Jake moves closer to me. "He's your brother Leah. His protection of you has been pretty guaranteed throughout this whole deal. He's protective of you the same way any brother would be if a guy was dating his sister, the same way I'm protective of Paul because of Rachel. I'm surprised he hadn't said something earlier. I was expecting it that first day I went over to your house. And everything he said was true. I needed to prove my devotion to you to everyone, and I needed to make it clear that I only see a future with you." Jake's hand cups my cheek. "Is that what you were so worried about, if I got upset about your brother protecting you?" I nod. "You don't have to worry about it Leah. He did what I would have done if I was in his position and you should be proud of him, he probably did it with more class than anyone ever could."

I look down; I was scared to ask my next question. "And, did you think about what he told you?"

"What?" Jake asks trying to read my face.

"Did you tell the Cullens today, about you and me?" I ask him.

Jake smiles and nods, "As soon as Seth left, which is why I was a little later than I had planned. I had to answer a lot of questions. But overall, they understand. I mean Jasper could feel our feelings for each other; Edward had been able to hear our thoughts about each other. They understand that I never wanted to imprint on Nessie. She's beautiful, and smart, and kind-

"Alright, I get the picture," I stop him from going on with a smile.

"But she's not you Leah. She never has been; she never will be. She has nothing on you, no one does. I can't pretend that I feel for her the way I feel for you. They understand that, and they want what any family wants for a child. They want their child to be loved, and she could never fully be loved by me when there will always you." Jake says. I smile like a complete idiot at his words. I swear every time he says things like that I completely melt like a lovesick puppy. "I told you I needed to prove my devotion to everyone, I am working on it. Here's a warning this could get muddy pretty quickly, please stop me at any time." Jake smiles an impeccable smile. "I care about you in a way I've never cared about anyone before. You're the first person I think of when I wake up, you're the first one I want to speak to, you are beautiful every day and some days you don't even try and when you smile I swear I would do anything if I could get you to smile forever. I stay up at night thinking about you, missing you and wanting to be with you. It's crazy, this is insane, it's better than I could have ever imagined it and maybe I've just been so scared to tell you all of these crazy things because I didn't want to scare you. I'm falling for you Leah Clearwater, it's not a graceful fall, it's not slow and steady either, it's fast and intense and I'm so scared I'm going to lose you just as fast as I've got you."

I smile to him, speechless, breathless, and mesmerized. Could this be real? I'm so scared I'm going to wake up from this dream and it will all be gone, Jake will be with Nessie and I'll be alone. I'm so terrified if I move or speak I'll wake up, I just want to freeze time, freeze everything in this moment and I want to stay in it forever, because it's wondrous and warm. Could it get better than this? Could it get sweeter than those words? Could it get more beautiful than those chocolate eyes? Could it get warmer than his skin on my skin?

Jake smiles to me, "You could say something Leah. I kind of just poured my heart out to you." He laughs but I can tell he's nervous. Who wouldn't be? Everyone is nervous when they pour their heart out to someone, there is always that risk that the other person doesn't feel the same. But here I am, in front of the guy I am most definitely falling for and he feels the exact same way I feel for him. This doesn't happen, especially not to girls like me. I mean, when does it ever happen that the guy you care about also cares about you at the same time?

I look up to him; I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him close to me. His forehead rests on mine, and I take a breath. I can't form words. What could I possibly say that could be as wonderful as that? All I can think to say is one small word. "Ditto." I smile to him. Jake laughs and smiles. His lips touch mine first very soft and tenderly, and then the kiss becomes passionate. His hands run over my body, down my sides, I'm distracted by his lips and his tongue so I'm surprised when his hands have lifted mine and raised them to his waist level. I wrap my legs around him so he doesn't have to hold them throughout the kiss. My hands run through his. I wanted to show him I felt the same way or even that I had stronger feelings for him. He seemed to have the same mindset. He left one hand to support me, while the other ran under my shirt and up my back, drawing patterns that I couldn't focus on. His hands sent electricity and warmth throughout my body. Every once in a while, I could feel the wolf in him come out, demanding to dominate the situation, demanding to be less gentle. Jake tried to control those tendencies but sometimes they still happened, like during the kiss, he would bite my lip, and his hand would claw into my back at a certain point in the pattern.

I pulled away, needing a break, needing to gather myself. Jake and I had been passionate before, but never that passionate. Jake's smile spread from ear to ear, he was as breathless as I was.

"Wow." He whispered as his lips went to the sensitive spot on my neck. He sucked there for a moment, and then his lips nipped the sensitive flesh. I released a sigh from the feeling it sent throughout my body. Then he was gentle again, his tongue licked the spot he had bitten as if to heal the wound.

My head was foggy, but it was slowly starting to clear.

All I knew was I needed him, and this was not the time or the place for this to happen.

Jake continued to kiss my neck. "Jake," I moaned. Jake mistook the words as encouragement, which in his defense it did sound like encouragement. "Jake, we have… we have to stop."

Jake sighs, his forehead resting on mine. "I don't want to." He groans quietly.

I smile, "Me either. But we have to."

"Remind me why we have to." Jake whispers.

"Because your dad is fixing us dinner, and we are outside on your back yard." I tell him.

"Right." Jake whispers. "I wish we were somewhere else though."

I smile. I kiss him on his cheek. "Me too."

"Jake!" Billy calls from the door. "Leah! Dinner!"

"One minute!" Jake calls. He looks to me. "I should set you down shouldn't I?"

I nod with a smile. He sighs and he gently places me back on my feet. Jake kisses my forehead and his lips linger there. "Come on, Jake. Your dad is waiting." I take his hand and I pull it with me towards the house. "Sorry to keep you waiting Billy." I tell him as we walk inside.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Stay With Me

After dinner Jake insisted he walk me home although our houses aren't very far apart. He held my hand as we walked down the street. "I think my dad might like you more than he likes me." Jake smiles.

I smile and shrug, "It's very possible, but who wouldn't like me more than they like you?" I tease him.

"Very true." He smiles as we walk up to my front porch. "So… this is your house." Jake says.

I laugh, "Yeah, you've only been here a thousand times." Jake looks at me with a small smile. I wish I could read his mind, what is going on in there? He looks so deep in thought when he looks at me. "What are you thinking about Jacob Black?"

Jake smiles slightly, "I'm thinking about how much I want to kiss you again, about how much I've wanted to kiss you ever since I stopped kissing you."

I smile; I wrap my arms around his neck, my hands rest at the hair at the nape of his neck. Jake's arms wrap around my waist and pull me against him. "Then what's stopping you?"

Jake smiles and then his lips meet mine. We kiss on my porch for a moment but then I hear a howl a short distance away. I pull away; I don't want anyone to see me kissing Jake, not this way. I've never been one for PDA and the kissing we are doing tonight seems much more intimate than any of our kissing has before. I feel vulnerable in Jake's arms, like I could melt in a second from his touch. But I also feel strong, like his touch ignites something inside of me that makes me feel like I can fly. I don't want anyone else to see, this is something I want to stay between us in a world where no one has secrets, and in a pack where privacy is nonexistent I wanted this to be between Jake and me.

"I need to go inside." I tell Jake. Jake looks disappointed. His arms unwrap from my waist.

"Okay, well goodnight Leah." Jake says. He kisses my forehead and begins walking down the steps to the porch.

When he reaches the last step I ask him, "What are you doing Jacob?"

"You said you had to go." He tells me as he turns to face me.

"I meant we needed to go inside." I tell him with a big smile on my face. "I'm not ready to stop kissing you Jake."

Jake smiles and rushes up the steps. When he reaches me his hand goes to move the hair out of my face. "I was hoping you'd say that." He kisses my forehead and I open the door and lead him into my house.

I lock the door to my house, which I can't remember a time I've ever needed to lock it before. Jake walks over to the couch and sits.

I shake my head. "Not here." I whisper and hold out my hand for him to take. Jake looks surprised but he gets up and takes my hand as I lead him to my room.

When we get into my room Jake looks at me. "What's going on Leah?"

"Come on Jake, I know you are smarter than that." I smile as I grab his shirt and pull him to me, my lips press against his but he seems so unsure. Maybe, he doesn't want this. I pull away after a second and look at him. "What are you thinking now?" I ask him.

"That you might regret if things go further than just kissing today." I shake my head. "You say that now, after we've been kissing the way we have. I know I got caught up in it earlier. I don't want you to regret anything Leah. I want it to be perfect when... when we actually have sex. I want it to be perfect and I don't want you to regret it. Which I feel like you might regret it when you wake up in the morning, and that would just kill me. I mean we've only been a couple for a week. You said you wanted to take it slow, as much as I don't want to take it slow at this moment I think it is best if we don't go passed kissing tonight." Jake says.

Jake is right, as usual. I did say I wanted to take it slow, but between the declarations about how we feel about each other and all of the hot kissing my head had gotten cloudy. I'd forgotten that I could still get hurt by Jake, even if he would never want to hurt me. Jacob Black had the power to shatter me into a million little pieces; he had the power to completely crush me, even though at his moment his thoughts were only on being with me, his thoughts could quickly change to Nessie. I knew first hand some things you couldn't stop. Sam Uley still fell in love with my cousin even though he loved me, even though he never wanted to hurt me he still had to be with Emily. Jacob could do the same exact thing, maybe there was just a certain amount of time we had and then his feelings would change for Nessie.

I wanted Jacob, more than I've wanted anyone. But he was right, we've only been together for about a week, if we had sex and his feelings did change to favor Nessie over me that would be even more painful.

I pull away and sit on my bed. Jake knew me better than I knew myself sometimes. He knew that I might want this right now, but I wouldn't afterwards, I'd be so much more vulnerable if we had sex.

"Leah, it's, it's not that I don't want to. Because _trust me_, I do. But I just want it to be at the right moment, at the right time, when you really want it." Jake says and he carefully steps forward. He's worried he has hurt my feelings.

I shake my head, "You're right. I want us to take it slow, and if we had sex tonight it's very possible that you could love Nessie tomorrow and that would crush me Jake." Jake steps closer and cups my face in his hands. He lifts my face so my eyes meet his.

"I never want to hurt you, Leah. You have to know that." He tells me and I nod my head. "I don't want to rush this. And I can't imagine ever feeling about anyone the way I feel about you at this moment."

"Right now," I say, "Right now you can't imagine it. But everything can change in a moment." I try to look away but he still has my face cupped in his hands. A tear dances down my cheek. "I don't want to lose you, Jake."

Jake kisses the tear, and his lips linger on my cheek before he pulls away. "Everything will be okay." He whispers to me. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Yet," I whisper.

Jake's eyes meet mine. "I can promise you Leah Clearwater, I will never stop caring about you. Imprint or not, whether we are fated to be together forever or not. I will always care for you."

"Stay with me," I say softly, "please."

"I'm not going anywhere." He tells me again as he kisses my cheek and then my lips. It's a gentle kiss, a kiss that feels like he thinks I'm going to shatter if the kiss was anything but gentle. Maybe I would. My thoughts are racing, my feelings are on edge. I have such a mixture of feelings: hope, fear, happiness, sadness, frenzied and calm.

Jake and I kiss off and on throughout the night, some kisses are more passionate and others are more tender. We talk about what we want in the future. We talk about things we've never told anyone else. And when we are too tired to stay awake, I fall asleep in Jake's arms, my head resting on his pillow, his steady breathing and heartbeat act like a lullaby to soothe me into a wonderful sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

Two weeks later, I'm fixing lunch for Seth and Maggie when Embry, Quil and Jake walk in. "Hey guys!" I call from the kitchen as I'm stirring the pasta. Arms wrap around me and familiar lips kiss my neck. I smile.

"Hey Lee," Jake whispers then he kisses my neck again.

"Get a room!" Embry calls to us from the couch in the living room.

I laugh and spin to face Embry. "Where's Lily?"

"She's spending some time with Emily," Embry smiles and I nod. "What are you fixing us?"

"I'm fixing _Seth and Maggie_ some pasta." I tell him with a smile and stir the pasta again.

"Ouch, man she's not even going to give you some Jake." Embry smiles, "What a lousy girlfriend you are."

"Maybe Seth will share some of his with you guys." I tell them and I turn back to face Jake. I smile and kiss him on the lips then pull away. "I'm such a lousy girlfriend." I smile bigger and laugh a little.

Jake wraps his arms tighter around my waist and pulls me against him. "I never said that. I think you are a wonderful girlfriend, the best girlfriend. You're so nice and pretty."

"You want some pasta don't you?" I ask him suspiciously.

"Of course, I love your cooking, but that's not the reason I said that." Jake smiles.

"Of course not, what else do you want?" I say to him.

Jake looks down, "I'm going to have to postpone our movie date."

I smile, "I knew you wanted something." My smile falls, when I think about how much I really wanted to go to the movies with him. We've been going on "real" dates. It was Jake's idea, part of the taking it slow, but I think it was to make us both think that we are two normal people having a normal relationship with no risk of either of us getting hurt. I've really been enjoying them two days ago we went stargazing on a nearby mountain, and before that we went on picnic by the beach, and before that one we went on a dinner date. It was working too, I felt normal, and we got to know each other better the way normal couples did. And honestly, after every date I think I fell for him more and more. "Why do you need to cancel? Is Billy okay?" I ask, suddenly ashamed of my selfishness. Jake wouldn't cancel unless there was a good reason.

"Billy's great! He hasn't been this great since my mom died. I think he isn't worrying about me as much." Jake says. "This is hard for me to say, because you will probably get mad at me."

"That's not a great way to start this." I tell him. I can hear everyone in the house has quieted down, curious about what we are talking about. I look to Seth, "Seth can you make sure the noodles and sauce don't burn. I'll be back in a few minutes." When he says "Sure" I grab Jake's hand and lead him out to my backyard. Jake looks at our hands and then back to my eyes. "What is it? Jake you're scaring me…" I say trying to read his face, but it just looks scared and disappointed. "Oh no, did it happen? You love her don't you?" I let go of his hand and turn away from him. I try to control my breathing, I'm hurt and angry but with who? Jake, Nessie, but mostly, I'm mad at myself. I let myself fall for him and now, look at me.

"No!" Jake says grabbing my wrist and pulling me towards him. "It's just the Cullens told me they needed to talk to me today in a little bit and they seemed like it was pretty urgent. I just knew it would upset you that I'm cancelling our plans because of the Cullens."

"So you aren't in love with her?" I ask him. He shakes his head and I release a sigh of relief. "Seriously Jake, don't do that."

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to scare you. I just hate that I have to cancel." He tells me and moves a stray hair out of my face.

I smile, "It is okay, we can reschedule."

"Really? You aren't mad?" Jake asks cautiously.

"Not really. I'm disappointed, but it seems like nothing after I thought you loved her." I tell him and he smiles then kisses my lips.

"I'll be back as soon as possible, and then maybe we could catch that movie afterwards." Jake says.

I shake my head, "Don't rush back. You haven't seen her in a couple of days. I can tell you miss her Jake. You try to hide it, but I can see it."

Jake looks down and then his eyes find mine again. "You know me so well Leah. I don't want you to think the wrong thing though. It's like I'm supposed to be with her it's like a forced missing. It's like if I'm not with her for a certain amount of time I ache, and I get more aggressive. I yelled at Quil on the way here, and pushed him against a tree just because he asked me a question I didn't like. I feel so out of control, like this isn't even my body or I have no control over it."

"I understand. She's your imprint. You have to be with her." I tell him and my voice isn't as steady as I want it to be. I hope he doesn't hear it.

Jake's face shows that he does notice it. His arms wrap around my waist, and I instinctively wrap my arms around his neck. My fingers find his hair and I mess with it. I focus on that for a second instead of everything else. "But then I'm with you, and I'm myself. I don't miss her; it's not forced on me anymore. I don't feel angry anymore, I don't feel like I could throw a crowd into a tree. I want you to know that it is better when I'm with you; it is gone when I'm with you. I'd still choose being with you any day."

I smile and kiss him gently then pull away. "Lucky for you, right now you can have both."

"I wish there was only you." Jake whispers before kissing my forehead.

"Me too." I whisper as I lean more into him. I look up to him, "My mom set a date for the wedding." I tell him with a small smile.

"Oh really?" He smiles, "What's the date?"

"A week from tomorrow." I say.

"That's pretty fast." Jake says.

"Yeah, they don't want to waste any time." I smile.

"I can see that. Well you and I are going to dance Leah Clearwater." Jake smiles.

"Why?" I ask him.

"Because, I've wanted to dance with you forever." Jake smiles. "Promise me we'll dance at that wedding, even if it is one dance."

I smile, "I promise."

We kiss each other for a few moments and then I pull away. "You should go to the Cullens so you can get back faster." I tell him.

"I like your logic." Jake smiles and kisses my cheek. "I'll see you soon okay?" I nod and he runs into the woods, changing into his wolf form at the edge.

I walk back into the house. When Maggie asks me where Jake went I tell her he had to see the Cullens.

"Well, you're coming to the party at Sam's tonight. Everyone is going to be there. It's going to be so much fun. I'm not taking no for an answer," Seth declares.

"Why would I want to go to another party at Sam's?" I ask him.

"Because you never get out anymore. You are either with Jake, or work, or asleep. You need a life. The party will be fun. If you don't like it after thirty minutes you can leave." Seth tells me. I sigh. "Like I said, I'm not taking no for an answer. I'll drag you there if I have to."

"Fine, but after thirty minutes I'm going to be coming home." I tell him.

"If you aren't having fun, fine." Seth nods as he puts a piece of pasta in his mouth. He has a goofy smile on his face. He's satisfied.

"He's almost as stubborn as you," Embry nudges me with his elbow with a chuckle.

"Yeah I know," I smile. "I've got to do something about it when I get the chance."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: In Too Deep

Ten minutes into the party I step outside and sit on the porch steps to get some air. There were way too many people in the house and even though some people were outside, mostly pack members because the cold temperature didn't bother them, the house still felt crammed. I shouldn't have come to this party; I knew it wasn't going to be fun. I just wish Seth would let me go, he told me to give it thirty minutes and then I could go home if I wanted. I was about to leave anyways but then he just told me I had nothing else to do until Jake came back from the Cullens and I'd probably just sit around the house and wait for him to return. I hated how pathetic that sounded so I stayed.

Now that I'm left to my thoughts on the quiet front porch I can't help but wonder why the Cullens needed to see Jake so urgently. I had a bad feeling, something told me something terrible was going to happen, and I grow anxious thinking of all the possibilities that they would need Jake. The possibilities worsened the more I thought about them, however they had one thing in common, they all ended with Jake and I separating.

"I should have known you'd be out here, you were never one for parties." Sam's voice enters my thoughts. I look up to him and plaster a smile on my face.

"I'm still not one for parties; my brother just likes to torture me." I tell him. I slide over, offering a seat beside me. I'm not sure why but for some reason that seemed to be what he wanted, and I didn't mind talking to him. Maybe it was because I'm so happy with Jake that I'm so much more forgiving of Sam. Maybe it's that time has slowly started healing me and the heartbreak isn't as fresh anymore. I don't know the reason, but something tells me talking to Sam is the right thing to do right now. Plus, the other option would be going back into the party, and I'm not ready to face all of those people with all of their questions about my future and the men I'm seeing and when I plan on starting a family.

"I'm glad you came, Leah." Sam says. "I haven't seen you in a while, and I've been meaning to talk to you."

"What do you want to talk about?" I ask him.

"Well first, Emily is pregnant. I wanted to be the one to tell you, I felt like I owed you that much. I mean if it was reversed, I would have wanted to hear the news from you." Sam tells me and tries to read my face.

I look to my shoes, and then to the sky. I release a breath. "That's great Sam!" I turn to look to him with a genuine smile. "I'm so happy for you. I mean you always wanted a family, that's wonderful that is starting for you."

"You aren't mad? You're not going to start pushing or shoving me telling me how much you hate me?" He asks seriously.

I smile a little more, "I've been a pretty big bitch to you haven't I?" I ask him.

"It was to be expected. I… I hurt you Leah. I broke all of those promises, shattered all of those good memories, I hurt you and I wouldn't have thought you would just brush it off and put on a smile." He tells me.

I look down and then back to him. "You didn't do that Sam. All this time I've known that it wasn't your fault. It's not like you picked Emily. She was picked for you. When you first broke up with me and I had no knowledge of imprints, I hated you Sam." My voice shakes when I say the word hate because I know it was the truth and it's a strong word but it's the only way I could describe my feelings for him. "I never wanted to see you again. I would wish that you would move away or that I could move away but it never happened. Then I changed and I became informed of the real reason you had to leave me, but my dad had just died and it is quite possible I'm the reason he died. I needed someone to be mad at, Sam. Typically the one who gets their heart broken has a reason to be mad at the one, who did it, but I didn't have a good reason, just the reason that you found your soul mate and you couldn't stay away from her." I look down, avoiding his eyes. "I hated that I wasn't that person for you, and I guess I needed someone to be miserable with me. I'm so sorry for that. I made the whole pack miserable along with you; soon it just got to be that I hated you without really remembering why. You didn't deserve any of that Sam."

I finally look up and meet his eyes again. "I know you never would have hurt me by choice. It still hurt though, even though you didn't mean to. We had plans, we were going to get married and have a big family and everything was going to be perfect. I got so upset when I realized that never would happen. That's why I couldn't stand to look at you or Emily. She had the life I had dreamed about for years and years. Now, it's easier to look and see how happy you are, how happy both of you are. Now, I'm seeing a different future, with different people and I'm not upset with you anymore."

Sam cautiously reaches over and takes my hand. His hand still feels so familiar against mine; it's amazing how time doesn't change that. "I hate what I did to you, Leah. I mean I loved you, I still do. I never wanted to hurt you. That last day we spent together, it was so hard for me; I didn't want to let you go. I mean how could I just let you go after all of those plans we made?" Sam's gaze never falters as he speaks, his eyes look into mine and I can't look away. "I knew that if I held onto you though we both would regret it and then you would definitely hate me. I was okay with you hating me, I mean it hurt, and I was guilty but I would have acted the same way if the roles were reversed. I couldn't blame you. I just missed you, I still do. That's why I always invite you to these dumb parties. I'm selfish and needed to see that you were doing okay. I mean you were my best friend, the one I told everything to, the one I loved, and I couldn't just stop caring."

I squeeze his hand and smile to him. "I will always care about you, Sam. You'll always be my first love."

"I'm glad we talked about that," Sam says and releases a breath of relief. "I feel like we understand it all just a little bit better." I smile and nod in agreement. "Can I ask you about something that might be personal, something that is probably none of my business?"

"Okay," I smile, "Go for it."

"Are you dating Jake?" Sam asks seriously.

"Maybe, why does it matter?" I ask him.

Sam sighs and pulls his hand away from mine. It goes to his face and runs over his face as if he's worried. "He's imprinted Leah."

"I'm aware of that." I tell him shortly. "Your point?"

"Do you want to torture yourself?" Sam asks me seriously. "He's imprinted, meaning he has a soul mate, someone he is supposed to be with, someone it pains him to be away from."

"He only loves her like a best friend." I tell him.

"Right now he doesn't love her in a romantic way. You know why that is Leah, it's because Nessie isn't ready for romance, when she is, he will love her that way as well as every other way there is to love someone." Sam says.

I shake my head, "He is choosing me, Sam. He's choosing to love me, to be with me."

Sam looks down and then meets my eyes. "If you really believed that could happen you wouldn't seem so scared talking about it. I don't want you to get hurt. You've been through this before, it doesn't end well." I look away from him. "I know you are going to do whatever you want. I just wish you would get out of this before you are in too deep. He isn't going to intentionally hurt you, but he'll shatter your heart before he leaves Nessie. The imprint bond is too strong, take it from someone who knows, who has tried to fight it." Sam takes my hand again and I can't get myself to push his hand away.

I look to him, "I love him, Sam." I blurt out. "I'm already in too deep. I can't walk away from him." I whisper to him. "You know how it feels; I'm too selfish to let him go when I can have him. Even if the odds aren't in my favor, if there is a slim chance that this can work out, that I can have him, I'm not letting him go. I need him, and I'm going to fight for him like he's fighting for me. It's different than when it was with you."

Sam shakes his head, "I don't want you to get hurt again. I know I lost my right to tell you what to do a long time ago. I just thought if there was a way I could stop your heartbreak before it happened then I should give it a try. But I'm already too late. And I know firsthand how stubborn you can be, one of my favorite traits about you." Sam smiles slightly. "Just be careful and I'm here if you ever need me."

I squeeze his hand and smile to him. "Thanks for caring."

He nods, "I should probably head back in. We're planning on telling everyone about our news. Will you be sticking around?"

I look in front of me and my eyes find Jake walking up. I get a big smile on my face. "I don't think so." I tell him.

"Have you told him you love him?" Sam whispers into my ear. I shake my head. "Maybe you should." He tells me. "See you later." He walks inside after waving to Jake.

I run to Jake and wrap my arms around him, and he wraps his arms around me. "What was that about?" He asks with a hint of jealousy in his tone.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Needs and Wants

I smile, "Sam and I kind of sorted out some of our issues."

"Oh really?" Jake asks. "Are you two happy friends again?"

"I don't know if you'd say that. We just understand each other a little bit more." I pull away so I can look into his eyes. I shrug as if it is no big deal. "He still cares."

"And you still care for him?" Jake asks.

"What? Why are you mad at me? Did I do something?" I ask him, suddenly confused by his coldness towards me.

"You still care for him." Jake says and it is no longer a question.

"Of course I do. He's my first love, my first heartbreak; he will always be in my heart." I tell him.

"And what does that make me?" Jake asks.

"Are you being serious right now?" I ask him. "You, Jake are upset because I still care about the wellbeing of a friend when you are imprinted to someone?"

"That's different." Jake says.

I scoff at him, "You're right, it is different, I will never have a relationship with Sam ever again, but you, you could very well marry the other girl who holds your heart. Right, I'm the worst one here." I push him away from me and start walking home. "You are such a hypocrite! And you are acting like an asshole!" I shout at him.

I keep walking even though I hear his footsteps following me. He hasn't called out to me though, it's like he's trying to figure out what to do, but he can't let me walk away.

I reach for my front door when I hear him finally call out my name. I stop, but I don't face him. This is our first real fight as a couple, and it's over something as stupid as my sort of peace with Sam. I take a deep breath when he calls out to me; he's closer this time than the last. I don't know if I want to turn around and talk to him or just slam the door in his face. It would be so easy to walk away from him, from this stupid fight.

But I can't run away from it. If this is ever going to work we have to get everything in the open, we have to talk about our problems and face them. Slamming the door in his face won't do any good.

I take another breath when I hear him step on the porch. I wouldn't be able to take it if he wanted to walk away from this. I love him, even though I don't have the guts to tell him, it's not something I can argue with anymore.

"Leah…" He says softly. "Please look at me."

I turn to face him, my eyes burning. When had they started burning? Probably when I started walking away; I was so pissed, so upset, and so scared. "What else do you have to say Jacob? You obviously think I'm not loyal to you. Why did you follow me? To finally end things?" The last words catch in my throat and I internally cringe because I was trying to sound so strong.

He shakes his head, "You think I could just end things? After everything I've told you about my feelings for you? After all of this, you think I would end it because of the thought that you might still love Sam?" He shakes his head again. "I'm too selfish for that. I couldn't let you just walk away. I told you, I'm fighting for us, even if I have to fight everything. I need you."

I look down and then I meet his warm eyes again. "Sam is not a threat to you. You should know that. How could you think I'd throw all of it away for Sam?"

Jake looks down, "I wasn't thinking; I just saw you and him so close to each other and… I got jealous. I didn't want to lose you."

I take another step closer; my hands find his and our hands join together. "You aren't going to lose me." I tell him.

Jake gives me a look that I don't quite understand. "I have to tell you why I went to the Cullens. Maybe that will explain why I'm a little bit on edge. I'm sorry I freaked out. I'm glad you worked everything out with Sam."

"Okay… what happened at the Cullens?" I ask him.

Jake looks everywhere but at me. "They have decided to move. Someone at Carlisle's work is becoming suspicious and it would be safer to leave before anyone knows that none of the Cullens age except Nessie who ages rapidly."

"Where are they moving?" I ask him.

"Alaska. They want to be close to the Denalis again." Jake says and he looks at me.

"Alaska is really far away." It's such a stupid thing to say but it's all I could think to say. Jake nods. "When are they moving?"

"Tomorrow. They invited me to come because, well Nessie is my imprint and being so far away from her could be bad for me." Jake says, I can tell he is treading carefully, he's so nervous.

A lump forms in my throat. He wouldn't be able to be so far from her for so long. No matter how much we want to think that what we have is the real thing, the truth is Jake needs Nessie, he needs to be with her, and I hate that. I nod my head, "Of course." I try to control my pacing heart. "Well I hope you enjoy Alaska. Send me a postcard every once in a while." I say and turn to walk inside the house. I can't look at him, if I do, I'll crumble for sure.

"Leah, wait, let me finish." Jake says. He grabs my arm and spins me to face him.

"Spare me, please." I whisper.

"I told them I'd stay here." He tells me. "I'm not going anywhere, just like I told you. It would be better for me to stay here with you." Jake says trying to sound sure and positive.

I look down, I know he needs her. I've seen him struggle with going only a few days without being with her. Weeks could kill him and I couldn't stand by while I watched him be miserable without her. He needed her, we both knew it but neither of us wanted to say the words. He didn't want to hurt me, but in the end he could grow to resent me for this choice then it would hurt worse. I know I can't be selfish, he needs her and I need him to be happy and okay. He might not be either of those if he stays here with me.

I look back into his eyes. "I can't let you stay here, Jake."

"What?" He asks, surprised. His hand lets go of my arm as if it burned him.

"You need her, as much as that fact kills me it is the truth. You'd be miserable if you stayed behind. And I love you; I couldn't bear seeing you miserable because you felt the need to be loyal to me here. You need to go. You need to be with her, and you need to let me go." My voice isn't shaky, surprisingly.

Jake grabs my hands, his fingers lock with mine. "You just told me that you love me and you think I can just let you go?"

I nod my head, "You have to let me go. It isn't a choice anymore."

"Why isn't it a choice?" Jake asks. "I love you, I choose you."

I shake my head, "It's not a choice anymore because I am letting you go."

Jake's hands squeeze mine tighter as if he needs to make sure I don't slip through his fingers, as if he could squeeze tight enough and I'd stay. "You don't mean that. Stop Leah. This isn't funny."

"I know it's not funny." I tell him as I pull my hands away from his hands, which feel like they are on fire right now. "It's over Jake. We're over. It was a good run, we had some fun times but it's time for this to be done."

Jake shakes his head. "Please, stop." He begs. "I don't want this, you think I do so you are trying to do the right thing but I want to be with you. How many times do I have to say it for you to believe it?"

"You can't be away from her. I know that. I'm not doing this because I think you want it, I'm doing this because I want it." Lie number one. I'm doing this because he needs it, not that I want it. I swallow the lump in my throat. I prepare myself to have a strong voice, I need my voice to be steady when I tell him my next words or he'll never believe it. "I don't want to be with you anymore. Please Jake, don't make me say it again. I need you to leave right now and I need you to go to Alaska with the Cullens." Lie number two.

"But you just said you love me, why don't you want to be with me?" Jake says.

I look into his eyes. "I can't be with you. Did you see us fighting? It will only get worse, I can't do this. You'll hate me."

"I could never hate you, and everyone fights. It's no big deal. I'm staying here and I'm going to be with you." He tells me, reaching for my hands but I jerk my hands out of reach.

"I don't care if you stay or go. But I'm not going to be with you. It would just make more sense for you to go with Nessie so you aren't miserable." I tell him. "I don't want to be with you, get that through your stubborn head." Lie number three. Third time is the charm, Jake looks defeated and hurt. "Please, Jake… Leave." I say softly.

"When you look back on this, don't you dare hate me. You are the one pushing me away. You are pushing away the guy who cares about you. You're going to hate yourself." He says to me. "You are always trying to push me away, I've been the one to put myself out there and wear my heart on my sleeve. You did this, don't blame anyone but yourself, you pushed away this beautiful thing." Jake turns to walk away, he goes down the steps and on the last one he turns back around. "See you in the Spring, that's when I'll be visiting Dad."

Then he changes into his wolf form and he runs away. I hear him howl in the distance and I sink down to the porch floor with my back against the door.

He's right, I pushed him away from the beginning, and I fought this the whole time. But this time, even though it was hard pushing him further away but I know that's what he needed right now. He might not have known it but he needed to be with her. Being with her could give him the answers he's been searching for, he could fall for her romantically, and if he stayed here he'd be miserable. He needed this, and although he probably hates me now, I need him to be happy, I couldn't bear to see him miserable.

I miss him like crazy already but I'll be okay, love means that someone's happiness has priority before yours, their happiness is more important than yours.

_Everything will be okay. _

That thought I repeat to myself over and over as I go into my house and curl up on my bed. I bury myself beneath the sheets and I fall into a restless sleep full of nightmares about losing a guy I've already lost.

A/N: Sorry for the late update. This week has been crazy. School and Family emergencies have been preoccupying me. Hope to update soon! Thanks for reading and for all of the reviews. Sorry if there are any grammar mistakes, I lost my grandpa a couple of days ago and my head isn't completely straight yet. But I wanted to write and update. I'll revise it again later.- Bye, Courtney.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Guidance and Hope

The whole town is preparing for my mother's wedding which is tomorrow. I almost forgot how involved the town gets when there is something to celebrate. The elders used to say when my mother was younger that our people have suffered and struggled through so much that it is always extra special when there is something to celebrate. She had told me that once, and before I was in school and learned history I didn't really understand, as a child everything is beautiful and everyone is happy. You never imagine that your dream life won't exist. Now, I realize the elders were right and it isn't just our people that have struggled but humanity as a whole. Now I know that the elders were right, when there is something to celebrate it is very important that we celebrate no matter what we are all going through. That is why I'm determined to be happy for my mother on her wedding day, I never would have imagined she'd find someone after Dad had died and I never imagined it would be someone as kind and good as Charlie Swan.

I realize that I'm upset about losing Jake, and part of me had wished that he had fought me harder or he had stayed to prove me wrong. But I pushed him away, he was right about that.

Embry walks in my house without Lily, which is surprising because they've been pretty inseparable since Embry has been back in La Push. I'm putting away some of the cupcakes I've baked for Mom's wedding.

"Hey Lee." He says as he walks into my kitchen.

I place the next batch of cupcakes into the oven. Then I turn to face him. "Hey Em. No Lily?"

"I thought I'd come see you by myself for a bit. I figured you'd be busy baking for your mom's wedding tomorrow. How's it going?" He asks with a strange look on his face.

"It's going…" I tell him. "What's that look about?"

"Seth says you haven't mentioned Jake since last week and even then you were short about it. You know I'm here if you want to talk Leah." Embry says.

I shake my head. "I don't want to talk about that. "I should have known you had an agenda."

He shakes his head. "I don't. I just wanted to spend some time with you. You haven't really been available this week. When you aren't busy helping your mom with plans you are sleeping or just not answering your phone. I miss you Leah, and I'm worried about you."

"Well don't be worried about me. I'm fine. Look at me. If I was a mess there would be no way I could bake these amazing cupcakes. We both had to make choices, and so we did. Tomorrow is supposed is going to be perfect and everything is going to go well because my mother deserves to have an amazing day. Please, don't bring him up again Embry." I tell him calmly.

Embry nods, "I won't mention him again. Sorry, Leah."

"It's okay." I say and I work on some more cupcakes.

…

The wedding is being held in the backyard of my house. The village put up two white tents, one for the ceremony and another for the reception. Women hung fairy lights on the ceiling of the tents and had somehow found beautiful fresh flowers in the middle of winter. If there was one thing my town knew how to do it was weddings. There were chairs from different houses that lent them for the ceremony and reception. Where my mother and Charlie would say their vows, a beautiful archway stood made from driftwood and beautiful flowers. Charlie had known a few people that could get a dance floor for the reception. Every family in the village had brought a dish of food, and each of Charlie's friends brought a dish of food. There were three tables of just food under the reception tent. Each sitting table was decorated so that it was simple and elegant. Each had a few flowers in a glass jar and a lovely candle.

I realized something else, weddings were something that brought everyone together, at least the way Charlie and my mother did a wedding.

"Leah!" Joy calls as she rushes towards me in the reception tent. "What are you doing? You need to go get ready; you know your mother wouldn't be pleased if you chose to wear those ratty jeans. Come on, I'll help you."

She takes my arm and leads me toward my house. "Sorry Joy, I just got so distracted. It's beautiful isn't it?" I smile to her.

Joy nods, "Yes it is, everyone did such a nice job." She leads me to my room. "Open the door when you've got your dress on, I'll help you with your hair and everything else. I'll be right here." I nod and close the door. I walk over and grab the dress hanging from my closet door.

I slide the dress on and let Joy in, I ask her to zip my dress for me and I stand in front of the mirror. As she is zipping the dress I admire it. The dress was made of chiffon so it was very comfortable. It had two thin straps that attached to the dress which has a sweetheart neckline. The dress is a beautiful midnight blue, the material gathers underneath my chest and flows out slightly from my body. I have to admit the dress looks beautiful on me; it hugs my form in all of the right places. It falls just above my knees.

Jake would've liked this dress on me, it's a shame he will never see it. But then again for all I know he's fallen for Nessie and he will never look at me again the way he used to because she is the only thing important in his life.

"Come on, you look beautiful darling, put a smile on our face." Joy whispers to me. I plaster a smile on my face to please Joy. She guides me to sit on my bed. "Now let's make that pretty face of yours a little bit prettier." She smiles as she grabs a bag from inside her purse. She puts a natural color eye shadow on my eyes and mascara. Then she grabs some lip gloss from my desk and puts it on my lips. "There!" She hands me a small mirror. "What do you think?"

I look at my reflection, and even though she didn't do much she made me look prettier than I naturally do. I smile to her, "Thank you."

"Not a problem at all. I've always wanted a daughter. Quil would never take it well if I tried to dress him up." She winks at me and I laugh at the image of Quil dressed up with makeup. "Your mother wanted me to give this to you." She smiles as she dangles a silver necklace with a silver, star pendant.

"Thanks Joy." I tell her, "You have been so amazing to me. I can't think you enough. How's Mom doing? Is she almost ready?"

"You should go see her yourself." Joy says. "I know she'd be happy to see you."

I stand up and grab my black ballet flats. I slide them on my feet. "Thanks again Joy. I'll see you in a bit." I walk down the hall to Seth's old room and knock. My mom chirps for me to come in. I walk in and her smile grows. She hugs me and tells me how beautiful I look.

I smile, "You are the one who looks beautiful."

"Here let me bring your hair out of your face." She smiles to me and I let her do as she wishes. She pulls a front section and begins braiding it, she pins it into place when it is the appropriate length. Then she does the other side. "One more thing…" She says as she paces the room looking. She grabs her bouquet and pulls two small daisies from the flowers in her bouquet, breaking off the long stems. There are so many flowers you can't notice the difference. She places the flowers in my hair towards the front of my head. Then she grabs some baby's breath and weaves the flowers through the braid beautifully. She does this to each braid. "There, even more beautiful."

I smile to her and look at my reflection, she's right it looks even more beautiful. "Thanks Mom."

"You're welcome." She smiles and sits beside me.

"Are you nervous?" I can't imagine not being nervous the day I vow to love someone for the rest of my life.

She smiles sweetly and shakes her head. "Not a bit. I trust Charlie, I love him."

I nod, "I know. But these vows mean forever, isn't that a little nerve-racking?"

She shakes her head, "When I married your father, I was so nervous I was shaking. But I've already done this, I know what to expect this time. I'm a lot more mature than I was. I loved your father Leah, I still do, but I also love Charlie." I smile and nod. "I see you are wearing the necklace I bought you."

My hand goes to rest on the star. "Thanks Mom, I love it."

"It's for guidance and hope. I haven't been ignorant about the tough time you are going through. I might not be around as much but I still know my daughter. You have done so amazing this week, I'm so proud of you. I just want to let you know it is okay to fall apart sometimes. You don't have to be strong all of the time. And the star is to remind you that you have good instincts, instincts you got from your father. Trust them Leah, don't second guess yourself. You are a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for. I believe you could do anything you set your mind to." My mother tells me. "I'm so very proud of you, I don't know the whole story with Jacob but if he let you go he is an idiot. But if I know you like I think I do, I would bet that it was you who let him go. You don't have to tell me why. If that's what your gut told you to do, I'm glad you followed it and you made the right decision. But I don't think you'd feel so crappy if you thought you did."

I lean my head on my mother's shoulder, a movement that is second nature to me. "How are you so smart?" I ask her.

"I've had lots of years of practice." My mother kisses the top of my head. "You can always try to fix your mistakes Leah. Don't be too proud to apologize or lay your heart on the line. I laid my heart on the line this time and look at me today, I'm getting ready to get married with everyone I love supporting me. Life has a way of working out." She kisses the top of my head again. "Have a little faith Leah." She whispers to me.

"I love you Mom." I tell her.

"I love you too." She smiles to me.

"Are you two ready? I think Charlie is ready to get married." Joy chimes from outside the door. My mother looks at me with a smile.

"How do I look?" She asks.

"Beautiful." I smile to her and hand her the bouquet.

I grab the small bouquet meant for me and I walk in front of her and out to the backyard. Music starts to play and I make my way down the aisle when I get to the front, my eyes don't leave my mother until she is beside Charlie taking his hand. My eyes catch golden ones and my heart freezes. Jasper has his trademark half smile on with his arm around Alice. Alice gives me a small wave and I smile to her politely. I look beside Charlie and Bella stands beside him like Seth and I stand beside my mother.

The Cullens are here. Why didn't I think about that being a possibility? Of course the Cullens would be here, they are as much Charlie's family as I am. I look away from them and focus my attention on my mother. My mind is racing, if the Cullens are here, Jacob could be here with Nessie. I don't dare look in that direction again. I focus up front and when the ceremony is over, I focus my eyes in front of me, not daring to look at anyone in the crowd and plaster a smile on my face.

Now, I just have to avoid him during the reception and I never have to worry about being around him again. I can make it through this.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Lost

My hand goes to my star necklace as I sit beside my brother and mother at a table. Maggie and Charlie join us. Bella chooses to sit with the Cullens at a different table. I watch everyone who enters the reception tent. A beautiful, pale brunette with wavy hair dances into the room. She's fully matured now, Charlie had told my mother that Nessie would no longer age although he didn't ask the reason, and he knew he'd be in danger if he knew the truth about his daughter and his in-laws. She's laughing at something someone has told her and her arm looped through someone's. I look to her escort and my heart stops; Jake is smiling to Nessie and telling her something else. He must sense me watching them because he looks right at me, my eyes meet his. For a moment we hold the gaze with each other but I look away from him, my heart resumes beating. I clench my fists together; this is going to be really hard.

My mother takes notice of my reaction and her hand rests on my arm. She gives me a small smile and then returns her attention to Charlie.

After everyone is in the room, dinner begins. I try focusing on the conversations at the table I'm sitting at but my mind keeps thinking of Jake. I picture Nessie and him as the bride and groom instead of my mother. The wedding would be perfect because Alice and Esme wouldn't allow it to be any less.

After dinner, the music starts playing a slow song and Charlie and my mom begin to dance. Seth looks to me warily, he wants to dance with Maggie but he is worried about leaving me. I smile and tell them they should go dance. After a few seconds of being alone someone taps me on my shoulder gently. I turn and look behind me. Quil is smiling to me with his hand out for me to take.

"Wanna dance?" He asks with a sweet smile. I smile to him, nod and take his hand.

He pulls me close to him when we get onto the dance floor, but it's still a friendly distance between us. I wrap my arms around his neck as his arms wrap around my upper waist. "Thank you," I whisper so only he can hear.

He smiles, "I just figured we'd be the perfect dance partners. I was right; you're pretty good at this."

"I'm glad I don't have to sit by myself and watch everyone have a good time." I whisper to him.

"I wouldn't have let you be miserable. I mean weddings are fun right?" He smiles.

I nod and I look passed his shoulder to everyone else on the dance floor. "That's what I keep telling myself." I say as my eyes land on Jake and Nessie dancing directly across from us. Jake's eyes meet mine as he dances with Nessie. My steps slow down and this messes up Quil but he recovers quickly. Quil leans close to me.

"It will get better, I think." He whispers and spins me so my back is to Jake.

"You really think it will?" I say as I look to him. He nods. "Thanks again."

"Well actually Embry and I were fighting over who would dance with you… I lost." He smiles playfully.

I hit him lightly and laugh. "Sorry you have to go through this torture." I tell him. The music changes but it's only slightly faster than the other song. Quil takes my hand and begins doing a quicker step to the music. My other hand rests on his shoulder. I smile to him as he spins me around and then pulls me back to him. "Where did you learn how to do this?" I ask him.

"My mom." He smiles. "It's really not torture, and I wanted to dance with you. I was kidding you know." I nod as he continues to lead me.

"Remind me to thank Joy." I tell him.

The music becomes slow again. I let my mind wander and take in the beautiful lights, and the rest of the room. My mind doesn't wander long before a voice interrupts my thoughts. "May I cut in?" His familiar voice says.

Quil and I stop. Quil looks to me then nods. Quil walks away and Jake reaches his hand out for me to take. Despite my better judgment, I take his hand. He guides my arm to wrap around his neck; he does the other with my other arm. His hands rest on my waist, I made sure to keep a safe distance, I couldn't get too close or caught up in him. Jake begins moving to the music, guiding me with him.

We don't speak; we just look in each other's eyes. He slowly brings me closer and closer as we continue to dance and I let him bring me closer and closer. With the beautiful lights reflecting perfectly on his skin, his arms around my waist, and looking into his eyes I almost forget all of my willpower, I almost forget the possibility of him being in love with someone else. But then the thought strikes me like lightening, he was dancing with Nessie, and eating with her, and laughing with her just minutes ago.

I force myself to hold myself together for the rest of the song, as soon as the song ends, I let go of him and I pull out of his embrace. I go outside of the tent and sit on a bench my father had made. The cool December air feels wonderfully against my hot skin. I take a deep breath and then release it. I hear footsteps coming behind me.

"Leah…" I hear Jake's voice say as he stands in front of me.

I look up to him. "Jacob." I say.

"Is that all you can say to me?" He asks me.

I stand up from the bench, "What do you want me to say?"

"Anything. We haven't said a word to each other in a week, anything will do." Jake says.

"There isn't anything else to say. I've said everything there is to say." I tell him.

"You have nothing you are wondering? Nothing you care to ask? Nothing you care to share? We've never gone this long without talking to each other. Do you miss me?" Jake says as he moves closer. His hand reaches for mine but I pull it away from him.

I build up the courage to ask the one question I've been wondering all evening. At first, I don't think I can ask because I'm so afraid of his answer, but then I realize I'd rather know the truth now rather than later. I ignore his last question, I can't answer that. "Do you love her?" I ask him.

"No, I don't." Jake says.

"Yet." I say. "Please… let me get back to the reception. My mother will be worried about me. Let's just let this go in peace. We can be-"

"Don't say friends. I know you aren't going to say friends." Jake looks to me trying to read me but my walls are built higher than ever and I don't plan on allowing them to crumble down again.

"You don't wish to be friends with me Jake?" I ask him as I take a step towards the reception tent.

"I don't think I can just be friends, Leah, no matter how much better that would be than this." Jake says.

I nod. "I understand. I hope you are enjoying Alaska. I really do need to get back." I tell him and I turn to walk into the tent. "I'll see you around Jacob."

...

When the party ended, Charlie and mom went on an ice fishing trip for a few days. The guests all left after asking me to help clean up but I denied all of their offers. I will clean up the mess tomorrow, tonight I am too drained.

Seth went to Charlie's after much pushing from me, he didn't want to leave me alone, and I didn't want him to hang around. Right now I just want to curl up and isolate myself from the world. I tell myself I made the right choice with Jake a week ago and today. I needed to be cold for him to get the message that we could never be again. He needed Nessie, I remind myself, and he'll always need her.

I'm about to go inside when a twig behind me snaps. I jump on full alert and spin around until my eyes land on a familiar form about ten feet away. I sigh and shake my head, he just couldn't stay away and let things be.

"Hey Jake." I call to him.

He walks closer to me, he's not afraid to come closer; he's not scared I'll lash out on him. "Hi Leah, can we talk?" He asks when he is close.

"Aren't we already talking?" I ask him trying to sound smart.

He nods and gives me a small smile. "I was actually thinking about something deeper than hellos."

I nod and sit down on the porch steps. "What do you want to talk about?" I ask him after taking a breath.

He sits beside me and his eyes don't stray from mine. "So the entire time tonight I was thinking about that promise you made me that you'd dance with me at the wedding. I mean you were beautiful tonight, you're always beautiful but you were especially beautiful. And I was thinking while we were dancing that I don't think that dance counted as dancing. I mean you started dancing with Quil, I cut in about half way through the song. I think you still owe me a dance." He says.

"Maybe next wedding." I tell him, but I don't sound sure of it. Who knows where we both will be by the next wedding.

He shakes his head. "That just won't do. See… it was promised that we'd dance at this wedding. And well since you are still dressed, and I'm still dressed I figure now is as good a time as any."

"Where is this going Jacob?" I ask him suspiciously.

He stands up and reaches his hand out for me to take. "Nowhere. I just want the promise to be fulfilled; I want to dance with my _friend_."

"You didn't want to be friends remember?" I remind him.

"I do now." He says. "Come on, you know how stubborn I am. I'm not taking no for an answer."

I sigh and I take his hand. "I'm really tired you know." I tell him.

"Yeah, yeah. We're all tired." He says. He leads me back to the reception tent. He leads me to the middle of the dark dance floor then he lets go of my hands. "Wait here." He says. He runs off and flips a switch.

In an instant the lights all over the tent turn on. It looks even more beautiful than it had earlier. Then a slow song begins playing, Jake gently takes my waist and I rest my arms around his neck. At first we are at a safe, friendly distance but Jake slowly starts pulling me closer. My eyes don't leave his and his don't leave mine. It's as if nothing else matters except Jake and I on this dance floor under these beautiful lights. I get lost in him all over again, and my brain feels like it has gone to mush. I don't have any witty comments, or comments to make sure he understands that we can't be together. Right now, I just have thoughts about him and me. And they are some beautiful thoughts. Jake's forehead rests on mine as we continue to sway to the song; I release a sigh at the feel of his skin against mine. The sigh came out so fast I couldn't stop it. Jake begins to hum to the music and I can't help but wonder if he planned this, and if he did is he really only here to dance?

"Why did you come?" I say before thinking twice about it.

"To support Charlie and Sue at their wedding." Jake says, lifting his forehead from mine.

"That's the only reason you came? You didn't have any other reason to come right?" I ask him, the music has stopped but for some reason we are still swaying slowly.

"Honestly?" Jake asks softly.

"Do I ever want anything else from you?" I ask him.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13: The Universe Must Have Gotten It Wrong

He shakes his head. "I came to see you. I miss you Leah." He whispers and his hand pulls me closer to him so that there are only a few centimeters between us. "I keep replaying that night before I left, over and over in my head, and you know what I figured out?"

"What?" I ask him.

"I've always been the one to pour my heart out to you. I've always been the one to tell you how I feel first. I think you should do it this time." Jake says still swaying me with him, his eyes not leaving mine.

"I said everything I felt that night." I tell him coldly.

"Stop lying Leah. I can see you are lying. You lied that night and you're lying now. I didn't catch it before, or maybe I was too focused on trying to make you understand that night that in the moment I didn't notice how you avoided my eyes, and when I looked in your eyes you were so nervous because I would be able to see the lie. I didn't see it that night, but I've seen it every night since and I see it now. Don't I deserve more than lies, Leah?" He says to me.

Life has a way of working out, my mother said, have faith. Don't second guess yourself she had told me. I take a deep breath.

"What do you want me to say Jake?" I ask him my voice trembling. He did deserve the truth he was right about that. Telling the truth is so much scarier and harder than telling the truth sometimes. "Do you want me to tell you that you're right, I lied because I needed you to leave because I knew you needed to be with Nessie? I knew that if you didn't go with her, you'd grow to hate me because I kept you away from your soul mate. I couldn't have you hate me Jake; I'd rather you be away from me than hate me Jake. Do you want me to tell you that I was so scared of watching us slowly fall apart that I took the easy, less painless way and chose to destroy us quickly, like a Band-Aid, it's less painful the quicker you pull it off? Do you want me to tell you that I have to physically stop myself from thinking about you? Or that seeing you escort Nessie into the wedding with her on your arm was so painful and dancing with you and not saying a word was torture? Or do you want me to tell you that I miss you so badly and not being with you or talking to you has been so excruciating? I've felt so cold without you close, without your skin against mine. I don't know what to say or what to do. I love you Jacob, I know that, but we can't be together, we've been doomed from the beginning why should we keep trying and suffering? You deserve the truth, but I couldn't give it to you that night because I knew you wouldn't have gone with the truth. You and Nessie are soul mates, you're supposed to be together, and I can't just sit here and wait around for you to pick her anymore. It hurts too much." I tell him and notice I've stopped swaying. His hand goes to my cheek to wipe away the tears I didn't know I had cried. His hand lingers on my cheek.

"Now it's my turn. I'm glad you pushed me away, as much as it hurt, your words and everything. You were right; I needed to go with them to figure things out. It took me two days to get out of the angry fog your words put me in, but then I realized after those two days that I kept thinking about you. I'd think of something and quickly want to tell you. I spent a lot of time with Nessie, she kissed me, and I let her…" Jake says. My fists clench up at my sides. Why was he telling me this? His hands roam down my arms to my clenched fists. He smiles slightly at the feel of my fists clenched angrily, his hands ease my hands to open up and intertwine with his. I don't even think about stopping it because it feels so instinctive. "I pushed her away after seconds. It didn't feel right, none of it did. I was so mad at you those first few days I just wanted to love Nessie so I could forget about the hurt of you. I tried to force myself to love her. But after the kiss there was no denying that I couldn't do it. All I've wanted to do is kiss your lips and be with you since then. I told Nessie we'd just always be friends. I needed to get you back, so I kept going over and over everything that was said, and that's when I realized you didn't want me to really go." He says leaning in closer, inches from me. "So here I am; I'm not letting you go. I'm not going anywhere. The time away from you made me realize that you are the one I can't be without. The universe must have gotten it all wrong. You're who I need, Leah. Please believe that."

"I want to believe that so badly…" I whisper to him as I lean closer so my forehead rests on his. "I'm just so scared."

"Me too, I'm scared that I'll lose you. I can't lose you." He says softly to me. "Let's not forget that you can also imprint and leave me heartbroken."

I have never thought about it. Maybe I never have seen imprinting as a possibility, I've always despised it, but even I wouldn't be able to fight the natural pull to someone else. I've been so focused on how he could hurt me I never thought about how I could possibly hurt him. Jake and I are both fragile. This relationship could be doomed; it could have been since the beginning. Maybe Jake and I are only supposed to be temporary. The logical thing to do would be to run from this before it gets out of hand, before Jake and I are ruined beyond repair. Then again when has love ever been logical? My mother told me to trust my instincts, and my instincts tell me to be with him even if it's temporary because I know that we both would be a lot better off with each other than to try to fight this. My instincts tell me to hold onto Jake for as long as I possibly can because guys like him don't exist everywhere, and I love him and I can't imagine myself without him for another day. The odds are not in our favor, but we've beat the odds so far who's to say we won't for all eternity?

"Leah, come back to me." Jake whispers.

"Sorry," I tell him, "Just a lot of thoughts going through my head."

"Care to share them?" He asks with a small smile.

I smile to him and shrug. "Well I'm sorry I never thought about how I could hurt you; I guess I've just been so selfish. The odds aren't with us, I mean who has ever heard of two shifters, diverting from their soul mates and choosing each other? It just hasn't been done. You know that. But you aren't afraid. You still want to be with me, even with such bad chances that in the end of this we'll be together. I guess I just have one more question, why, why are you so willing to get heartbroken for a few moments with me?"

Jake smiles, "Because you are worth it. I'd rather have a few moments with you than not have any. Maybe I could have if I never got close to you, if I never took that risk, maybe I could pretend you didn't mean so much to me but now I can't. Wouldn't you rather have a few moments with me than to be without me for the rest of your life?" Jake asks, looking slightly concerned as if he is worried I will deny him.

I nod my head. "Yes." I tell him and he gets a huge smile on his face. "I'm tired of trying to be all logical about this. This isn't logical, this is very illogical, but maybe that's why this is so great. IT doesn't have to make sense, even though somehow it does. And I'm not sorry that I got you to go to Alaska, but I am sorry I hurt you in the process. I'm not perfect, you know that, I'm going to make mistakes probably a lot of them; I just really need you to stick with me through them and to love me no matter what as long as you possibly can. I love you Jacob Black, I've loved you for a very long time. I should've told you sooner, I should have told you more often. I was just so scared but I'm not scared anymore. I just want to be with you as much as possible."

"I love you Leah. I'm going to kiss you now." He warns with a smirk, and I nod. I let his lips crash onto mine, and it seems to seal everything we've ever said and everything we've never said in those moments. And right now, it doesn't matter how long we have, right now it all made sense.

Jake and I were meant to be. Like Jake said, the universe got it wrong.

**A/N: Hey everyone! I know late, late update and it isn't very long! Sorry! Don't hate me! Hope everyone is doing well, and hope you enjoyed the update. This isn't the last chapter. But I'm thinking there will be either one or two more chapters left, so this story is coming to a close. Thanks for reading, have a lovely day/evening!**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14: One

I feel warm arms wrap around me and pull me against him. His face buries itself in the nook of my neck, I feel him take in my scent and sigh, and I smile. I place my hands on top of his.

"Good morning," I mumble.

Jake kisses my neck and then whispers a good morning to me. "I brought you breakfast." He says to me.

"Really?" I say. "What is it?" I turn to face him, pushing my body into his so that my body fits perfectly in his.

"It's a surprise." He smiles to me, kissing my forehead. I sit up suddenly realizing how hungry I am now. Jake grabs my arm as he lies back on my bed. He looks so peaceful and calm. He looks as if he doesn't have a care in the world. I've never been able to pull off that look, but he does it so well. "There's no rush Lee. It will still be there when we get there."

I smile and kiss him. "I know, but I'm starving. You can stay here. I'll be back."

Jake groans but lets me go.

I rush downstairs to find a box of doughnuts wrapped with a bow. I smile and walk over; I gently untie the bow and open the box. There's a variety of doughnuts, some chocolate, some with sprinkles, but two of them catch my eyes. They have little doodles on them that look like fireworks.

That's right, today is the last day of December, the last day of this year. How had I forgotten? I grab two glasses of milk and balance them while carrying the box back upstairs. When I walk into my room, Jake's looking at the door with his arms behind his head, so cool and collected. He jumps up when he sees my hands full. He grabs a glass and the box of doughnuts. I shake my head. "You didn't have to get up."

"Just felt like I should help." He says to me and sets his glass on the table beside him. I walk to the window and open it, allowing the fresh December air to flow through my room. It feels amazing on my skin.

I get on my bed, he has the box of doughnuts balancing on his bare abdomen, and I curl up and lay my head on his shoulder. I reach for a doughnut but Jake stops me. "We have to eat the firework one together."

I look to him questioningly and then nod. Jake hands me one of the firework doughnuts and gives himself one. "Are you ready for this year to be over?" Jake asks.

I shake my head. "I wish time would just slow down, everything just started getting good."

I hear Jake laugh. "I know what you mean. But I always loved New Years, not just because of the big party on the reservation but a new year means new hope and dreams. You never know what the new year will bring." I look to Jake and see he has icing on his face; I take my index finger and wipe it from his face. I lick from my feeling with a smile. "What's been your favorite part of this year? My mom would always ask me. I'm curious about yours."

I put the rest of the doughnut in my mouth and chew it. I take a sip of milk and pull myself closer to him, looking in his eyes. "You should already know that answer." I tell him, I place a kiss on his chest where is heart is. "It's been you."

Jake moves the box from his abdomen before I can register the movement. He rolls on top of me, pinning me between my bed and him. Jake supports his own weight as if he could hurt me. His hand goes to the back of my head, his lips are on mine before I realize. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back. I smile through the kiss. His lips are just… perfect.

After a few moments, Jake pulls away with a smile.

"What was that about?" I ask him with a huge smile on my face.

"You really shouldn't say things like that…" Jake says with a smirk.

"Maybe I want stuff like that to happen." I tell him, one of my fingers trace various shapes across his chest. Jake chuckles, his hand grabs my chin and lifts it so I'm facing him, and he brings his face close to mine and kisses me on the lips and then the cheek.

"I'm so happy right now," he whispers to me as he kisses my forehead, "you know that don't you?" His arms wrap around me and pull me more against him.

I nod my head against his chest; his smooth warm skin is more comforting than I ever thought it could be. "Me too." I tell him.

…

The party is nice, everyone is so happy. It's out on the beach shore; people brought tables and food, music and supplies for bon fires. It's perfect. The two packs exist peacefully, all of the adults seem to get along and the children enjoy running around and dancing.

Jake and I dance a few times but the rest of the night we spend with people we care about, my mom, his dad, Seth, Embry and Quill. It's another perfect night.

I find myself wondering how long this happiness can last while Jake and I are slow dancing again. I've never been one to be happy for long periods of time, usually it's very short periods of time. I'm not naïve enough to believe that Jake and I will be perfectly happy for the rest of my life. But maybe I'm becoming naïve enough to believe that we could spend all of our life together, happy most of the time. Can someone who has been through what I have been through be allowed that hope? Or is that hope so dangerous that it is better not to think Jake and I will have a future together? I grip him closer to me, resting my head against him. Jake senses something is up and he wraps his arms around me tighter.

When the music stops playing Jake grabs my hand, "Let's get away," he whispers to me. I nod and he leads me toward the forest. We walk a ways in a comfortable silence, and then we get to a cliff. Jake sits on the ground but I don't I don't want to sit right now. Jake shakes his head and then stands up and faces me. His arm wraps around me, I've noticed he does that a lot more than he used to, it's as if he's scared if he's not touching me I'll leave or disappear. Or maybe that's what I think when he's not touching me, that he'll disappear.

"I know you are worrying, I thought we weren't going to worry." Jake says as he looks to me.

"I know; I've been trying to stop it. Just sometimes these thoughts find their way into my mind and I can't shake them." I tell him.

Jake nods, "I know, just try. I'm not going anywhere, you aren't going anywhere. We are here together, for a very, very long time." Jake kisses the top of my head.

"You really believe that, that we could get married one day, have kids and grow old together?" I ask him seriously.

"Yes, I do." Jake says confidently. "If anything has changed in the past few days, it's that I love you more. I can see us growing old together Leah. It's going to be beautiful." Jake smiles to me.

"You're so sure." I tell him with a small smile on my face, when he says it I can believe it, I can almost see it clearly in my head.

"One of us has to be." Jake says. "Please stop worrying, nothing good will come from it. We'll deal with any issues when we get to them. Right now, it's a few moments before midnight on New Year's Eve and I'm up on a cliff with my beautiful girlfriend. Everything is pretty perfect. Can we focus on that for now and worry another day?" Jake asks me.

I nod, and then kiss him on the lips. "Sorry," I whisper.

"You're forgiven," he smiles to me as he continues the kiss, taking my face in his hands. I pull away from the kiss after a few moments. Then I hear people counting from the beach shouting, Ten… Nine… Eight…

"Seven," I whisper.

"Six," Jake whispers back moving closer again, his arms wrapping around my waist.

"Five," I say a little bit louder, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Four," Jake says louder, leaning closer.

"Three," I lean closer smiling.

"Two," Jake winks to me jokingly.

"One!" We shout at the top of our lungs together, smiling to each other. One of Jake's hands grabs my face and pulls my lips against his. We share a perfect kiss for a second but then Jake breaks away. "Happy New Year, Lee." He smiles to me.

"Happy New Year, Jake" I say to him, bringing my lips back to his.

Soon into the kiss a loud bang occurs. I jump and then laugh. I turn and face the fireworks being shot off on the shore, a safe distance from everyone on the beach and anyone's houses. Jake sits down on the ground pulls me to sit in between his legs and wraps his arms around me. His chin rests on my shoulder. "Perfect viewing spot right?" Jake whispers.

"Did you plan this?" I ask him as I watch the fireworks.

"I might have thought about having an excuse to carry you away from everyone." He says and I can hear the smile in his voice. He kisses my neck softly then his arms squeeze me slightly tighter. I shake my head. "You seem to be happy up here."

"I am." I tell him and it's the truth. It's perfect up here, as if the world is at a distance, the faint sounds of the party are still in the distance, but it's only Jake and I up here and it is perfect. He is perfect.

"Hold on one second." Jake says as he gets up after the fireworks have stopped. He goes back into the forest; I turn and face the sea. I hear him return in a few moments, he's carrying blankets and a couple of pillows. He drops the pile on the ground with a smile.

"What's this about?" I ask him.

Jake shrugs, "I thought if we liked it enough here we could stay as long as we want."

I smile, "Sounds pretty perfect." I tell him. "Are you trying to seduce me?" I laugh.

Jake shakes his head, "Not at all. Just thought it would be nice to lay on something other than the ground. When we have sex it will be at the right moment at the right time."

I nod my head. "Sounds very logical of you."

"You know me, I'm a logical guy." Jake smiles. "Seriously, it's just for you and me to innocently lay on beneath the stars."

I nod my head. "I believe you."

Jake smiles and wraps his arms around me. "I just want to be with you always."

"Me too." I whisper.

A/N: Hey everyone! Sorry if there are any spelling/grammar errors. I was rushing to get it out to you. I'll go back and revise, but tonight I'm too tired. Hope you enjoyed! One more chapter left!


	15. Epilogue

Epilogue: The Next December

I walk into the house and my eyes immediately catch Jake stretched out across the couch asleep, completely oblivious to the fact that someone came into the house. I smile and silently make my way into the kitchen to unload the groceries. Jake must be exhausted, he was on patrol late last night and he had to wake up early to go to work at the mechanic store. He was given the job by an elder in the reservation, John, in January. John informed Jake in March that he had cancer and he would die before the end of the year, he wanted Jake to take over the store. So now, Jake is running the store and he was Alpha of his pack, I had no idea how he managed all of his duties.

The shifters have been taking turns on patrol, Embry saw a vampire on reservation territory earlier this month that we know of they haven't returned but no one wants to risk anything. Speaking of vampires, the Cullens have kept in touch; Jake goes to visit them every month, sometimes Seth and I tag along. They love living in Alaska, I don't see them moving again for a while.

When I have finished putting up the groceries I find myself staring out the kitchen window in deep thought. It's been almost a year, and Jake and I are still together and stronger than ever. I still wake up in the morning and think it has all been a dream but then I look beside me and Jake is sleeping beside me with his arm around me gently.

Arms wrap tightly around me and lips find my neck. "Hey Lee." Jake says; his voice is still groggy from his nap. "How was work?"

I turn around and face him. "It was good, kind of slow, but I have no complaints. What about you?" I ask him.

Jake shrugs. "It was pretty decent; a lot of people were getting snow tires since they are calling for it in the forecast. Pretty easy stuff." He smiles. "I have a surprise for you."

"For me?" I ask him with a smile and he nods. He takes my hand and leads me out of the house. "I left it with someone though so we'll have to go walk there."

"What is it?" I ask him eagerly as I follow him down the road.

Jake shakes his head with a smile. "The point of a surprise is that it is a surprise and you don't know what it is until you see it." His hand squeezes mine. I notice we are getting close to his house.

When we get there I see Billy roll out onto his porch. He smiles to me. "Right on time Jake." He lays something on the porch rail and then rolls back inside.

"What's going on?" I ask as I get to the porch and see a blindfold.

"For the full effect," Jake motions to the blind fold. He takes it in his hands and folds it. I sigh and spin around so he can tie it to cover my eyes. In seconds my vision goes dark and I can't see anything. Jake's hands gently take my arms. He turns me slightly and leads me forward. "Careful remember there's a slight raise when you walk in my house." He warns cautiously. I nod and proceed carefully, when I feel the raise I step over it and keep moving. Jake turns me at certain points until I think I'm in front of the couch. "Okay slowly sit down," Jake instructs and I follow his instruction, sitting carefully on the couch. "Is it in my room?" I hear Jake ask.

"Yep, I just checked on it." Billy says. I hear Jake leave the room.

When I'm sure he is gone I speak, "This is a little ridiculous Billy, you can tell me what it is." I smile.

I hear Billy laugh. "You'll know soon. Jake would kill me if I ruined it. He's worked so hard on it."

I shake my head. "Your son… once he has an idea in his head he runs with it doesn't he?"

"You say that like it is a bad thing." Jake's voice cuts in. "I promise you're going to love it. Okay, here we go." He sets something heavy on the couch beside me. I feel it move towards me carefully.

"What the heck Jake?" I ask him.

"Just wait…" He says.

The thing reaches me, it steps on me with a furry… paw? I feel something cold brush against my arm and then something licks me, I jump slightly. "Jake…" I say cautiously wondering what type of animal this is. "If this is Seth or one of the pups in the pack… this is not a good surprise."

"Billy." Jake says, and then the blindfold comes off. My eyes adjust to the light and I see a puppy looking at me curiously. Its fur is a beautiful chocolate brown, tan and white. Its eyes are a stunning light blue. It sniffs me again and then licks me.

"She's a kisser." Jake smiles to me.

"This is for me?" I ask him, taking the puppy into my arms and holding it close.

"Well, for us, to share. She's a Siberian Husky/Labrador mix." Jake smiles and sits on the couch beside me.

"She's perfect." I tell him as I pet the puppy. It gets anxious in my arms and squirms out. She jumps off the couch and finds a ball I assume Jake had already given her. The ball is too big for her mouth so she awkwardly holds it. I laugh at this.

"I'm going to take her out for a walk and give you a minute to talk." Billy says as he rolls to the puppy that doesn't run from him, she just patiently waits for him to hook the leash to her collar. She's already used to Billy I notice, she walks at a pace slow enough for him to keep up.

I look to Jake. "So we have a puppy together? What does this mean exactly?"

Jake smiles, "Well there's another part of the surprise." He digs around in his pocket and pulls out a thin, braided silver band.

I look down at the ring and then back to him, and then back to the ring. "What is that?"

"A promise ring." Jake says. "I know we are both not ready for marriage or a family of our own. So I thought this was kind of a baby step, a promise ring and a puppy instead of a wedding and a baby." Jake chuckles nervously. "I had the words planned out and everything but it's all kind of gone to mush." I take his hand and lace my fingers with his. "I want there to be proof that there's a commitment here. I want that puppy to be a step to making a family for ourselves. There's no one else in this world that I want to love forever, that I need forever, that I want to start a family with. You are the most important person in my life. When I saw that puppy at the animal shelter I had to get her, I mean she's perfect and I knew you'd love her. She has a spirit in her so similar to the spirit in you. The spirit that I love. I got this because I wanted to make you a promise Leah Clearwater." His thumb draws circles on the back of my hand. "I promise to love you until I die. I promise to take care of you, to cherish every moment I have with you. It's a promise that one day we will get married and we will have children and I hope they look like you." Jake smiles to me. "I can see it now, Lee. I just really wanted to get started on all of that so this is me getting started on it."

I smile and with my free hand I cup the back of his neck and pull his lips to mine. Jake breaks the kiss after a moment with a smile on his face. He takes my hand and slides the ring on my finger. He cups my face and kisses me again. "I love you," I say through the kiss, holding him close to me.

I hear the door open, "I'm entering!" Billy warns as he walks into his house. Jake and I pull away with smiles on our face.

"How was the walk Billy?" I ask him as I get up and toss the ball for the puppy to chase. She happily chases it, her tail wagging when she gets to it.

"Peaceful. How were things here?" Billy says.

I look to Jake and we exchange a look, then I look back to Billy. "Things were great." The puppy brings the ball back to me and drops it at my feet. I look to it surprised that it already has the idea of fetch down. "She's smart isn't she?" I smile; I pick up the ball and throw it gently on the ground, careful to not break anything. "What's her name?" I ask watching her chase the ball.

Jake comes up behind me, his arms wrap around my waist. "Faith," He says to me. I watch as the puppy responds to her name, her ears perk up and she looks around. "Pretty fantastic name huh?"

"The best." I smile.

"You two are something else." Billy says as he rolls to turn on the television. "You both look so starry eyed. It is just a dog, and Leah, trust me I've been looking at Jake all of his life, he's not that great." Billy smiles.

But Billy was wrong, that was more of a dog, she was the start of Jake and my family and Jake was great, he was worth every starry-eyed look I'd ever given him. How could he pick me? How could he end up choosing me? I didn't deserve him, I'd never deserve him but somehow I have him. Jake lets me go, and he starts chasing Faith around the house since she grabbed one of his shoes. I laugh as I watch Jake chase Faith around the room, when Jake finally reaches her he picks her up, and Faith gives a slight growl.

"Bad dog!" Jake says as he pulls the shoe from her grip. I can't hold in the laugh though. Jake looks to me and shakes his head. Faith pants but the look on her face shows one of happiness. She licks Jake's cheek, and Jake can't hold his serious composure anymore. He starts to smile at the puppy.

"You both staying for dinner?" Billy asks as he moves into the kitchen, not affected at all by the display of his son chasing a puppy around the house.

"Yeah that would be great!" I say as I reach for Faith and take her from Jake's arms. I scratch her behind her ears and then I pet her. I set her down so she can run around. Jake's arms wrap around me and he nuzzles my neck.

"You just stood there and laughed," He says and I can feel his smile on my neck.

I nod. "Yep, it was very amusing you chasing a puppy around the house. I must say, I thought you'd be a little bit faster." I tell him.

He looks up to me, his head cocked to the side. "Oh really?" He says with a smile.

I nod, "Yep, rather disappointing." I say giving him a small smile.

Jake pulls me against him. "I'll have to work on it." He says and I nod. His lips crash onto mine, my arms wrap around his neck.

And throughout the kiss all I can think about is the fact that I'm so lucky to have Jake love me. Who would have thought I'd get another chance at love? Who would have thought I'd fall for this boy over and over every day?

I can't imagine anything better than this moment, than being with this guy. I could picture myself having kids with him, I could see us have a small, beautiful wedding, and I could see us growing old together, each day our love growing more.

I've changed a lot in the past year. I would have squirmed if I had heard those words from someone else last year. It's so cliché and who doesn't get annoyed with the lovey-dovey couple. Everything changes though. One day you're a cynic, looking at spending the rest of your life without someone who really gets you, and another you are at your boyfriend's house with your new puppy and a promise ring on your finger. I used to think I'd prefer to never have these moments if they weren't going to last, but now I realize how essential these moments are. When Jake and I fight, when things aren't looking so great these are the moments that make it all worthwhile. These moments we should cherish, it is when everything falls into place, everything makes sense and it is something beautiful. These are the moments we live for.

**The End**

**A/N: Sorry for the terribly slow update! I have been really busy and I really wanted to get this perfect. Hope you all enjoyed it! Thanks for sticking with me through the whole story! Thanks for all the wonderful reviews and favorites! You all are so wonderful! -Courtney**


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